Why You Should Not Charge Adult Children Rent

Smart Money Debate Red

Welcome to the 8th Smart Money Debate at ReadyForZero! To see the other side of this debate, read Jana’s post: Why You Should Charge Adult Children Rent. And then let us know which argument was more convincing!

This post was written by Melissa, a freelance writer who writes about both personal finance and organic living. She blogs at Mom’s Plans, where she shares her financial adventures and love of food despite many food intolerances.

Why You Should Not Charge Adult Children RentWith today’s economy, more and more kids are returning to the nest after college, or, in some cases, never leaving. They are called boomerang kids, and their numbers are growing.  According to the Pew Research Center, “Among 18- to 24-year olds more than half (53%) live at home or moved in for a time during the past few years.”

Even more surprising, adult children moving in with their parents seem to transcend socio-economic boundaries. “Parents with annual household incomes of $100,000 or more are just as likely as those with incomes under $30,000 to say their adult child has moved back home because of economic conditions.”

The knotty issues that may come up include what responsibilities these grown kids should have at home as well as if they should have a curfew or call if they are going to be out late. Another potentially difficult issue is if these grown children should pay rent.

Why People Argue You Should Charge Rent

Opponents argue that grown children who move back in should pay some form of rent. These parents often don’t charge their kids as much as they would pay in rent if they lived on their own, but they do make them pay something. My own mom was like this when I moved in for two years between undergraduate and graduate school, and I didn’t mind paying the $200 in rent she charged because I knew her money was tight, and I knew I couldn’t live somewhere else that cheaply.

However, in many cases, not charging grown kids rent may be the better decision.

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Why It Is Better Not to Charge Rent

…unless you are being take advantage of (obviously). I can hear opponents argue that by not charging your children rent you are spoiling them and teaching them that they are entitled to a free ride – that you are not teaching them responsibility.

Well, if it so happens that your son or daughter is going out every night and wasting his or her money on dinners out and outings with friends, then yes, I would agree that he or she can afford to pay rent.

However, most adult children are forced to live at home because of challenging financial circumstances. By now everyone should realize that the U.S. economy has not been particularly kind to recent college and high school graduates who are looking for work, and many of these young adults are living at home to avoid going into debt (or adding to their existing debt).

These are the people I’m referring to – the ones who move back home because of a legitimate financial need. CNNMoney states that people between the ages of 20 and 24 currently face an unemployment rate of 15%.

And even those who are employed are often underemployed.

I moved back home 15 years ago after the only job I could find with my English degree was a secretarial job at a janitorial supply company making $16,000 a year. Meanwhile, I had $20,000 in student loans to pay off. While I don’t fault my mom for having me pay $200 for rent, my money was extremely tight.

Had I instead been able to use that money to pay down my student loans or save for graduate school, I would have been in a much better financial position when I did go on to graduate school two years later. Instead, I just scraped by the entire time I was home, and when I went to graduate school, I had to take out another $10,000 in student loan debt.

Set Boundaries for the Perfect Situation

If you still want to charge your adult child rent if he has a legitimate financial need to move back home, consider a kinder way to do so. I see two good solutions.

First, don’t charge him rent when he first moves in. Perhaps give him 6 to 12 months rent free so he can get on his feet and find a good job. After 12 months, he will need to pay rent.  Set the amount before he even moves in. After 24 months, maybe he will have a significant rent increase. Rather than limiting his progress by charging him rent in the beginning when he is struggling the most, you set clear expectations, and he can ideally pay some money to you after a year when his finances are better.

Another alternative is to charge rent from the beginning and set it aside without your child knowing. I lived with my mom for 2.5 years. At $200 a month, that is $6,000 I paid her. If she had set that money aside and given it to me before I went to grad school, I could have saved myself an additional $6,000 in student loans (if you need help paying off debt, don’t forget to try out ReadyForZero). Some parents like to set the money aside so when their children move, they have the money for their rental deposit.

Choosing to charge your adult child rent is a personal decision, and you have to do what is best for your family. However, if my kids move back home after college and need financial help because of underemployment or unemployment, I am certain that I will not charge them rent.

What about you? Share your opinion in the comments below.

To see the other side of this debate, read Jana’s post: Why You Should Charge Adult Children Rent. And then let us know which argument was more convincing!

Image credit: andreypopov

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  • I understand your point. If an adult moves in with their parents because they are struggling financially and the parents are in a position to help them out, then why not. In many cultures, adult children live with their parents and grandparents forever anyways.

    But on the flipside I know a young CDN man that is 29, making a very nice income, and lives at home with mommy, rent free because he is too lazy to move out on his own. His brothers have their own lives, but he doesn’t.

    • Good point! It really depends on the circumstances, doesn’t it.

      • sally

        Charge the little brats rent and have them pay for their own groceries, toothpaste, etc. When are we as enablers ever going to learn we are not helping them by enabling them. They can get part time jobs if they really want to. I am experienced in this adult child entitlement thing.

  • Melissa

    TacklingOurDebt–In that case, I definitely say charge rent. No sense in the parents being taken advantage of.

    • TheJerk

      Thank you, no free rides!

  • Thanks for asking for a balanced perspective. I know a friend who lived at home rent free and saved like a fiend. He was working 60-80 hour weeks, leaving him basically no time to breathe! After a year and a half he had 100K in the bank to put down on a house. That definitely wouldn’t have been possible without the support from his parents. Another friend was living at home and struck a deal with his parents that the rent money he was paying would be set aside for post-secondary for his younger brother.

    • It sounds like both of them made sure that their plan would help themselves (or their loved ones) in the long run. Pretty smart! Particularly the first one – he made a very good financial investment and the fact that he lived at home was what made it possible.

  • I’ve written a book on this subject where I recommend setting clear timelines early on for eventually moving out. A plan of action, with specific milestones, should be followed to keep the effort on course.

    How To Help Your Grown Children Move Out: Ettie’s Guide To De-Nesting


    • Sounds like an interesting book, Ettie. Thanks for letting us know.

  • Max

    I still live at home, but it’s a 2 way street. I pay into the mortgage since my mom lost her job, and cover cell and cable bills, and in return my mom watches my dog during my daily 16 hour shifts. If they charged me nothing, I could pay off my debt so much quicker, but at the same time, I’m always at work anyway, and it’s still cheaper than living away at some place I’d never get to see. Plus it’s helping them out too. It’s not fun to live at home, but they’re family, so we help each other out.

    • That sounds like a very good compromise – and you and your parents seem to navigate the shared living arrangement quite well. Meanwhile, you also are saving money which is great.

    • Melinda Lloyd

      That is a positive way to work things out! I think that it’s great of you to take responsibility and accept that these things should be appreciated and reciprocated in whatever way possible.

  • brey

    I am making mine pay a bill…. pick one and pay it every month

    • That’s a good way to get them involved in the responsibilities of the household… like keeping the lights on, literally!

  • Wisedom

    Everyone seems to blame something for their misfortune. I’ve got a brother in-law (44yrs of age) and still living @ home with mom. He once took the chance of moving out with unemployed girlfriend and 4 months later returning with huge debt that lead him to try to file for bankrupcy (he was unsuccessful because he quit his job prior to filing) and his mom stated that she was proud that instead of BK he’s now repaying. Well he had no choice. I believe if you don’t charge rent your not teaching the ADULT the reality of being alive. It costs money everyday and that they need to understand this once they turn of age, at any age. Even the toilet that their using is costing someone $$. From the water, sewer to the toilet paper.

    With boomeranging a common living standard. How are they to have any respect for reality. If the ADULT keeps living a life style of not being responsible (able to use all of the $$ for disposable income). Yes, disposable income, you choose to goto college! This type of attitude is also effecting the workforce and I believe some Corp. are TIRED of this layed back work force AND that their going across the pond to where labor is cheap, no unions to fight with, and the job gets done without any fuss from the workers. We’ve all brought this upon ourselves….. keep demanding higher pay (Unions), demanding better work hours, working from where ever,…… This country was built upon “hard work” and we’ve lost this.

    This the outcome of reality when everyone is in it for themselves.

  • mars

    my daughter had a baby and he boyfriend moved in with us. I charge him rent because he needs some kind of motivation. If I saw he was working a full time job and planning for their future it would be a different story, but he doesn’t want to go to college. I see him sleep in, play basketball and video games while we are all searching for jobs. My daughter wants to go back and finish her degree this fall. So YES I am charging him some rent. But he HATES me for it.

    • hank

      your daughters boyfriend is a dead beat dad, and you are spoiling him. If he “hates you” for this, than he is a moron and should be kicked out of your life.

  • Melanie

    My daughter and her husband moved in 6 months ago. Neither of them were working. We completely supported them for almost 3 months. Now they are working (about $3000/month) but haven’t saved a penny. They blow every bit they make and have nothing to show for it. When they moved in, it was with the agreement that we wouldn’t charge rent, but when they got jobs, half their money had to go into savings. I also assigned her the chore of unloading the dishwasher and he had to take out the trash. They don’t do those either. We sat them down today and gave them all of their options (my favorite was move out). I told them if they want to stay here, the free ride just came to a screeching halt. I am not trusting them to save on their own. They have to actually give me the money to save for them. That still leaves them $1500 just to do whatever with. I think I am being more than fair, but they act like I am the worst person ever.

    • Wow, yeah, it does sound like you are being more than fair to them. It’s a shame they don’t realize it.

    • Melinda Lloyd

      feel no guilt! Tough love is appropriate in your situation.

    • norain norainbows

      In the past, when my children would tell me I am mean, unfair or horrible, I learned to agree with them. Saves me time and energy instead of having some crazy argument trying to make a point — with someone who does not pay bills. Adults pay their own way. You are far more than fair. Let them know the rent is $1,500. Not their savings, but your money. Let them try to find what you are offering (room, board, cable, utilities) at twice the amount and I bet they could not.

    • Ed

      You did the right thing. They are completely taking advantage of you and milking the free ride for all it’s worth. They need to grow up and be responsible. I think that many kids today are so weak willed and just love to mooch if you will let them. There were many financial challenges years ago when I was growing up (46 now) but I had to sacrifice and find a way. Kids today expect to have what took their parents 20-30 years to build day 1 of being on their own. They need to grow up and deal with real life. Enough is enough, they need to be out of the nest already.

      • youallspeakgarbage

        you also forget that minimum wage 30-40 years ago was enough to sustain yourself and own a home off one full time minimum wage job. now people have to work two or 3 minimum wage jobs with no breaks no holidays just to get a decent 2 bedroom apartment.. If minimum wage was enough to get you by now as it was 30-40 years ago i heard it would be like $22.71/hr. I know people that mooch, i pay my mom rent but its not easy since i pay my phone, the internet (she thinks she’ll get hacked if its on her name), my car insurance, and if i wanted to go to school i’d have to handle that ME. not mommy or daddy. kids dont have it as easy these days man, and i’ve talked to plenty of old timers that agree that its only getting harder for the youth. i’m 23 now and still with my mom and plent of my friends are with their parents kids that are just graduating ASU or SBU or didn’t go to college at all. IT IS ROUGH and the cost of living is only going up while minimum wage is not covering it! our leaders are the one that are making it like this. invading countries that dont have anything to do with OUR PEOPLE, gaining oil, resources. having the US army protect poppy opium fields in afghanistan, Rick ross being set up by the CIA. its all a fucking shit show thats going to come to an end within my lifetime, and probably yours too.

        • landberg35

          You sound like a pussy. BOO HOO…you have to pay for stuff. Sack-up. Join the USMC like I did you jack-ass….Maybe they can beat your ass into shape. OOOHH ya, then when I was done, I got an education…not only in life, but in school.

          • youallspeakgarbage

            Haha usmc what a joke fuck that and all the United States power divisions I’m not a pawn fucking moron being used to fulfil evil agendas and get involved with wars our people could give a fuck about. So fuck you and your service you provide not only did u come at me first but you proved you have no logic in this matter and really replied to none of what I said other than saying I need to sack up. Whatever you dumb male monkey m

          • Anthony Sterling

            I’ll respond for him then….You don’t have an option to be, or not be a pawn. You’re broke, you own nothing, or you shouldn’t since you live at home. Your fear of failure causes you to take the safe route, you don’t make moves that have much impact, positive or negative, in the community you live in. Because every move you make is a small one. You’re the definition of a pawn.You feel safe and you will never be able to personally substantiate the claims you made about the hardships of today because you are sheltered from the real world.And as you stare at the “big scary world” through the slit in your mother’s skirt, true go getters will be braving it, creating the structure and infrastructure of your new tomorrow…complete with low risk low reward accommodations for chicken littles like u to scurry under…for a price of course.

          • youallspeakgarbage

            Oh boy it LoOks like I said something that offended somebody. While u can try and guess how my life is you will never have an idea. Guess why? I’m out of my moms! You don’t have a fucking clue about my situation. Obviously what I said about the marines took offense to you and I don’t give a fuck 🙂 . Keep trying to hurt and belittle me with your asinine assumptions. Because you don’t know my situation at all , and because you came at me so hard I KNOW you are a just another piece of shit in this cesspool. Goodbye.

          • Obviously a Marine did your mom

          • C.S.

            Have you considered that antagonizing frustrated people on the internet may not be a productive use of your time?

          • wow… take off your tin foil hat and back away from the crack pipe

          • Manny Gonzalez

            Fuck him bro talking to him in that manner just fuels the fire. Its not whats in your bank accout but whats in your heart

          • Manny Gonzalez

            This thing called living isnt living anymore… Sadly people care about working and so do i buuuttttt i will never stoop down to such a level to work at a job that pays you unfair… Or work for trash. Like that marine..

          • youallspeakgarbage

            hahahahaha you are white trash at its finest like i care what you think you PAWN.. fuck your marine corps service you government pawn piece of shit. thats right i said it FUCK YOUR SERVICE I WISH YOU GOT TERMINATED ON THE JOB. too bad… .your education obviously wasnt a good one you pig brainwashed moron. fuck you.

          • Thornye Rose

            Soldiers are not terminated from service, they are discharged.

          • vickiepowell

            I think he meant he wish he had died.

          • maxsk8g

            Yes! Exactly!

          • Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
            Did she have any children that lived?

            I’m going to guess a Marine ran off with your girlfriend? or was it your mom? or both?

          • Manny Gonzalez

            I believe your a puppet for the government. Technically that makes you a bitch.. Or in nicer words a tool..

          • maxsk8g

            That’s funny because I made a girl cheat on her military fiancé and crying afterwards because “she never gets dick that good” dude told me a year ago he was gonna tie me up in a chair and torture me and I said bring it on. Havnt heard shit since. Fuck military and the agendas of politicians. I’ve never kissed my mother I’m not an incessed fuck boy hillbilly.

          • brenda kolar

            You are such a jerk obviously an uneducated one, that girl you made cheat on her marine fiance, no wonder she cried, she was your sister or was that your mother, you need to be sent to away, like to another country, and then when one of these pretend soldiers fucks you up the ass, see how you feel about marines when they come in and save your sorry ass even if you talk your trash right in front of them, they do that because they are human, something you don’t know anything about

          • maxsk8g

            Are you triggered bitch? Awww too bad your little fantasy situation will never happen you sick over-imaginative fuck. “You need to be” ahaha what a joke. More like you need to just kill yourself, you pathetic waste of life.

          • maxsk8g

            Ahahaha no sisters here and as I already stated before when someone asked me if I kiss my mother with that mouth “I don’t kiss my mom because I’m not an incest hillbilly fuck” and now fantasizing of male on male Faggot Sex? Huh that’s funny because that’s what fagggot military people sometimes do because they can’t get pussy out there. so you are fantasizing about incest and gay sex now?! Your mind is all fucked up brenda! PTSD from your psycho military husband wiggin out on you or what?

          • maxsk8g

            And just one more reply… I’m fucking honored I triggered you so hard that you had to make an account just to reply to me 😀 stupid bitch

          • Anthony Sterling

            I’d be mad at people like youallspeakgarbage, but we need these people. Their lower level thinking provides the driven with heads to step on to raise themselves up

          • Lauri Henson

            Everybody comes from different walks of life. It’s sad when you are not tolerant of someone that’s different from you. My son will never go into the service. I want him to go to college. I think it is a parent’s job to equipped their children so that are productive adults. Sure if my son later has problems. I will always be there for him. Sure hope you are never a parent

          • agentinsure

            my plan calls for room and board with credit towards monthly rent based on the number of college credits passed each quarter. If they are full time students then rent is near 0, if they are half time rent is 1/2 and so forth. When i did it before it worked like a charm, than i got side tracked and things just keep falling apart further

          • Thornye Rose

            College is not for everyone.

          • Teaching children to be productive members of society begins at birth… not when they are 20 yrs old… then it’s too late…

            There is nothing wrong with joining military… so whether your son joins or not don’t knock it…
            You need to make sure your kids have a plan and if they don’t they should pay rent… and when that doesn’t work and they want to screw off… send them packing!
            Oh and btw I am the father of 5 kids of my own and one step daughter.
            Tough love is what these pansy ass kids today need more of .

            Cut the umbilical cord… This is why kids need both parents… moms tend to be too soft

          • Antonio Pires

            Very good! No pain no gain!

        • Fact Checker

          Check some facts on cost of living…Hmm…minimum wage 1981…$3.35 an hour. Average car interest loan rate 16%! No cell phones, long distance (anything out of local area) you were charged by the minute. Gas about $1.25 a gallon so about 38% of an hour of work at minimum wage…today’s gas $2.40 is 33% of $7.25 minimum wage! So many things cheaper TODAY…you don’t know what you are talking about.

        • John

          minimum wage never covered a damn thing. I earned $2.65 an hour minimum wage in the 80s and that sure as hell was not enough to pay for a home utillities and food, insurance ,gas,health care and so on. You seriously have no idea. my two sons live at home still and they are in their 20’s and both pay rent. and it does not even come close to paying for our 30 percent of our mortgage much less anything else. its just the principal of it. I paid half my mothers bills when was 19 and thought nothing of it. we needed it to survive. we shared a car, groceries and all other bills so we could make it. Kids today cry about school and so on.. gimme a break. making bad financial decisions then complaining about it is the norm these days.

          • C.S.

            Keep in mind that anyone living in a major metropolitan area is going to need to spend about 60% – 70% more for housing than someone in a less populated area, and that is a major stumbling block for people who are already not making very much money. In some areas you have to pay about $1,300 a month for a one-bedroom apartment, which is more than some graduates are making in a year.
            If you can’t afford that, or you can only barely afford it and you won’t be able to save any of your money, then your only options are renting a room in someone else’s house (who probably has their own rules you’ll have to follow) for $850 a month, or living in your parents’ house for little to no money, and what advantage is their to moving out in that kind of situation? Most want to move out, but just don’t have the money.

        • Areyou Solame

          While the idea you propose sounds “right” about the proportion of minimum wage versus the cost of “things” one big difference was that kids in the “old days” didn’t buy things they couldn’t afford. WHO got a car loan at 16% interest? Adults with $$ and dumb people. Everyone else bought an old clunker and got around town (just barely) and saved up to buy something decent when they got older. People also didn’t spend so much $ on things like clothes, shoes, makeup, vacations, entertainment. Look at people now! If you don’t have a closet full of shoes and new clothes and haven’t been to Cabo this spring and don’t have annual passes to the local theme park…then people think you’re a loser.
          People PACKED their lunch to work more often too (another easy money-saving event) that most wouldn’t think of doing even ONCE A WEEK nowadays. With your minimum wage $11/hour job that means the first 1 1/2 hours are for *nothing* if you go out and eat a cheap lunch and dinner OR just an expensive lunch during your work day. Add to that a Starbucks coffee in the AM and the $ you make during your first 2 hours are all just for someone else!

          • maxsk8g

            Yes. I agree with that!! People are buying dumb shit they can’t afford, but not me. The other guys comment about living in populated areas and minimum wage generally not being enough is true. I live in a very expensive part of California and rent for a studio apartment is 1200-1400 or more. Not enough for minimum wage. Luckily I’m joining a union and finally getting something that can get me on my feet. But what I’m seeing of all age groups is most people needing two full time jobs which is not ok! Can we atleast agree on that?

    • sara

      No guilt! You deserve this, in fact I think you gave them to much to ‘play with’. Realistically, they will not have 1500 to do whatever with after leaving you.
      Make sure you have a little fun for you with the 1500 dollars, show them how you can be wild with their hard earn money and how it feels to be taken advantage of.

    • Joshi

      They are taking advantage of you! They need to move out and start their own lives or they will forever rely on you, which, in the long run, is very bad for them!

      • Glenda

        What if your son is married with a child and loss his job. Don’t clean i pay all utilities Buy Tide, Tissue Papertowels everything. He dont want to pay me $500 a month

        • Sharon Numnut

          Don’t give him a choice.

    • Amanda Del Solio

      Hey they could be living with some one and getting charged half the rent or as my future mother-inlaw would put it room and board. She is not saving the money we pay her, she isnt even paying the landlord most of the time. She doesn’t bring food in the house and its a problem half the time if we try to cook or do laundry there. We have to eat out and do our laundry else where. We cant even bring a friend over. We are confined to our room when we are home. Pretty much we are paying to live in prison as some one once put it to me. So they need to suck it up bc in my eyes they have it made!

      • jen

        I live with my mother with my husband and two kids. My brother who is in his late twenty and sister who is 38. My mother dosnt charge any of us rent. She dosnt work she gets a check each month because my dad died and had a saving bond that pays the bill. My HUSBAND and two kids share a room. The only reason we are here is because my HUSBAND got layed of and can’t find a job and my part time job dosnt cut it. I would work more but I don’t have a baby sitter to watch my kids. We clean up our messes cook our food and bring our laundry at laundry mat. Most of the time we are cleaning up after everyone else and If we make a dinner for our kids someone always ask if they can have some. And we are confinded to our room. My mother is a bitch and favors my almost 40 year old sister n my brother. She is always on our case saying we are taking advantage of her and saying we don’t do anything around the house. Witch is far from the truth. But she has no problem with my brother who dosnt have a job and she buys him food or my sister who just dosnt want to get her own place b.c she won’t have extra money for stuff she wants or time to take care of her own place. But my mother comes at us all the time. We are the ones with two children trying to live of a 160 dollar pay check a week to get out and find our own place. But its ok for my brother and my sister to live there as long as they would like. I get we are a family and should be on our own witch we were till this lay off forsed us to move in here. Just really upsets me my mother thinks were taking advantage of her when my brother and sister can get there own place but.choose not to . and we can barly put food in our mouth or clothes on our kids back

        • George Rosales

          hey jen im george im 23 years old i live with my parents older sister 25 and her son and my younger brother 20 i was the only one born in mexico i cant legally work its hard for me to geta job i help my mom with the house shell tell you ill clean a shitty dirty restroom but my sibilings wont its mostly my sister she thinks shes perfect she has no job depends on her boyfriend for mny and the government aswell they help her pay her half off the rent she gets food stamps aswell n just cause she gets foods stamps she pays for almost all the food she js feels shes over powered when she not really helping the system out idk why she cant a job if she could acutally work she was born here the U.S. i actually want to work to help out im not guna sit her say im perfect cuz im not i do be askin the for mny here and there which p.s. i hate doing it i want to have my own money my own place i just need the documents to wrk be n part of society hope u have a great day

          • George Rosales

            i applied at some places hopin to hear back

          • InTheGame

            Of course he’s on your ass to pay rent! When does HE get a break? Grow the fuck up and find a job! If he dropped dead then what? You are a case of lazy ass self entitlement my dude!

          • George Rosales

            im not here for somebody feel bad for me i had said in the previous comments i have two other siblings brother and a sister they were both born here in the U.S. i was born in Mexico its much easier for them to get a job i have to work with fake documents social hole nine yards employers always seem to find out im trying find a job where i wont have that problem so get off my case if you don’t even know my situation judging and shit dont even know who the fck iam smh

          • George Rosales

            he dont get a break hes a fuck drunk looks for other women while my moms at home he beats my mom why dont u think im lookin for under table jo im trying help mo get the fuck out the situation

          • George Rosales

            my dad expects me pay rent what you think should be charged for sleeping on the living room floor its pretty fucked up what i go thru with my dad on daily basis on the rent topic

        • Sharon Numnut

          You are no better than your brother who is also living off your Mother, which you referred to as a bitch. That is so disrespectful considering without her you wouldnt have a place to live and food to fed your family. I would toss you out and say get on some assistance. Tell your husband to get three part time jobs if that is what it takes for you to support the family you have.

          • AmandaRoddy

            ^Little late but I hope her bro and sister got tossed She has every right to call her mom a name because only a b* would do that, She’s trying I guess you didnt read the whole thing and make judgements..

        • okaythen

          Your husband got layed off, and you can’t work more bcuz you don’t have a babysitter. Do you see the contradiction there?? Saying you don’t have a babysitter sounds like an excuse for not working more. If your husband doesn’t care for his own kids when he’s not working then he’s a loser. And if you use the excuse that you can’t work more bcuz you don’t have a sitter then your a loser too. Sounds like your mother raised a bit much of free loaders.

      • agentinsure

        hey if you dont like, you can always move out

    • Justis JRoy Royster

      They’re lucky. If I was married like them and had that kind of money I would’ve moved quickly. I pay my mom 240 and I make minimum wage 9.00/hr, a single father and raising my 6yr old daughter on my own. I want to move back out, but minimum wage is not enough. If I could get a higher paying job I’d be set. At 25 yes old it makes me feel like I’m not even grown.

    • Harold

      They have a right to spend a little money on themselves, probably best to be happy for them that they don’t have to worry about paying for a place to live and can enjoy the fruits of labor.

    • NInjaMyHero

      29 Years old here. Trying to complete my Masters in Software Engineering in New York . Currently working…work that is totally outside my field due to Fortune 500 Companies outsourcing to India . Now my parents are going to start charging me rent . Like what the fuck! My birthday is next week. I don’t even have time to go out and I barely watch tv. I have to pay for student loans , fix my credit , now rent , and insurance. New Jersey is so fucking expensive . Fuck this ! I’m fucking leaving. Thinking about joining the army but I know I will never come back to this family if I do join . Reading blogs and forums about how there so many millennials like me that are single or not even dating because of the fucking economy only offering labor jobs.

      • Sharon Numnut

        Its your parent’s home why should you live there free? stop blaming everything in the world , look in the mirror

        • NInjaMyHero

          Your right? I do look hot as fuck. BRB ……going to bang some bitches!

          • Shina Johnson

            Lol that funny

      • Nonya Bizness

        Dude you’re 29, not 18 or 22 going to school for your Bachelors. You’re also working. Do your parents live for free? Do you not think they’ve done enough for you already? Where else can you live rent free in NY for 29 years? At 29 I had been living on my own for 11 years, did 7 years in the Air Force, married, had a child and divorced.I live in the Bay Area of Ca where a 1 bedroom apt rents for over $1400 a month. I think you should join the Army. You’ll make less than you’re making now, but you’ll have a dorm room and a meal card. You’ll be able to pay your insurance, and you’ll have Tuition Assistance and then the GI Bill after 12 months. Try not to compare yourself to everyone else. You can only control you and your life. You can’t change all the jobs being outsourced to India, where the Indians are making far less than you, so try not to focus on it, because it’s only going to anger you. Also, if you join the Army you’ll probably enlist as an E3 since you have so many college credits, which always beats enlisting as an E1 and waiting 2 years for a promotion and pay raises. Look into the Air Force as well. Good Luck.

      • ZekeMastadon

        Word…same here. I live in my parents basement basically. Have a graduate degree. They havent started charging me rent. My wages have been stagnant for 3 years and I’m underemployed and can’t find a better job.

    • Sharon Numnut

      So why are they still living there?

  • Chuck

    We are helping two children and a grandchild. They do not help out around the house, they do pay $100 per month to help out. But that does not even cover the extra food costs, let alone their shampoos, toothpastes, etc which they require the top brands. Same with food, coming home and wants dinner ready for them. We are taking out between $600 to $1,000 a month from our retirement account to pay for the extra costs. So I see a big issue of you and other adult children that want more from your parents. Most like us will give until we lose the house. Then they will be out on the street shaking their heads of what happened. We have talked until blue, but they just do not get it.

    • Hi Chuck, thanks for the comment. I don’t think Melissa, the author of the post, or anyone else would advise you to keep spending $600-$1,000 per month that you cannot afford. I think it’s clear that you need to talk with your two adult children and tell them that while you can continue letting them stay with you, those extra costs will need to be paid by them from now on. Hopefully that will give them the motivation they need to get start helping you out.

    • norain norainbows

      Have a sit down with the children who are using you. They must do what they can to “earn their keep” or leave. You probably sacrificed vacations, expensive clothes and cars, etc. to have a savings and a home. If they don’t get it, give them a 30 day period to move out. Mean it, don’t be wimpy. Next month, spend $100 on some moving boxes and plastic bags, maybe another $200 on a Uhaul Truck. Pack them up and send them on their way. They will stay as long as you let them.

    • Kylie

      I agree with the above. I am 20 years old and living at home, and while I don’t pay rent, I do pay for my own car insurance, car repairs, phone bill, gym membership, and toiletries (including shampoo, toothpaste, tampons, etc.). I would never dream of making my parents take money from their retirement account to pay for me — that is not okay!! Definitely talk with your children. In my opinion, they should definitely be picking up basic costs like shampoo and toothpaste. No one here is going to advise you to spend money you don’t have in order to accommodate your children.

      • Mikismom

        Your car, your phone, your gym….. you couldn’t afford if you didn’t take rent & utilities from your parents. Living room & board free when you should be contributing IS taking advantage of your parents when you’re 20. Do the right thing & pay them for the roof over YOUR head..

        • George

          What, you want her to sit at home all day with no way to get to work, no way to call about job interviews, and get fat? I’ve got an adult parent and an adult sibling living with my husband and myself, and I don’t begrudge them one penny of the phone and car use.

      • rjo

        I totally agree! “adult children” who cant even pay for their own toothpaste will never become thriving responsible adults if their parents continue to treat them like they are actual children by providing everything for them

    • Ed

      You are sadly misguided if you are taking money from your retirement account to help them. Who will help you when you are an impoverished elderly citizen? I am sure they will have moved on with their lives and will have a million excuses as to why they can’t lift a finger to help you.

    • Joshi

      You are being an enabler and your kids will not become independent. The time to kick them out is now, even if you have to sell your house and move into a smaller house so they can’t follow you! Do what you have to do to get them out. Once they are out, they will get jobs or whatever they have to do to survive. Do not enable their bad behavior. A loving parent will always do what’s best for their kids even if it’s hard!

    • Rachel Catherine Dodd

      They just want help getting back on their feet. There’s a difference between that and just plain mooching. And I’m sorry, but you put yourself in that situation by not asking for more in rent or for letting them take advantage of your hospitality.

    • Roslyn Renwick

      then don’t talk anymore, act.

  • mj6837

    While I agree it’s necessary to provide some support to our children graduating from school, IMO what needs to be attached to any arrangement is a defined beginning and end date. For example, stay for free for 6 months, following that $xx rent will be charged. I’ve personally seen way too many kids give up on pursuing a job because it’s tough work and there’s little to no pressure…
    While (for you) it would have been great to have lived rent free to pay down your loans…they’re your loans – no offense, but I find your point of view somewhat selfish. What about the burdens on your Mom providing you food, the extra utilities? I think you may have missed the point of being charged rent.

    • Krystal Galaxia Void

      It all depends on the circumstance and situation.

  • zDCdoc

    My son has two college degrees in a competitive but well paying field. He had a 3.8 GPA for one degree and a 4.0 for the other. He wanted to study a year in Asia and I gave him the $35,000 with the agreement that I was done. He has only had one work study job and just for one year of college. No summer work, no temp jobs no nothing. I am sick of paying for him to sit around my house saying he wants the year off. He is now going for the third degree and it is only two days of week in class. That gives him five to work. He still buys video games and overspent his money while in Asia. Sorry but this is called being an enabler. He needs to pay rent as he is a well educated adult. He has the skills needed but why bother? If not rent then the best solution is being put out and let him have a taste of real life. Went to school with too many rich kids and it will not fly with me. Both his father and I worked for years and are retired. I still work for FREE. I thought I had taught him to give back but it is not happening. Not a great economy for my 65 plus age bracket either!

    • Very interesting, thanks for sharing your experience! Sounds like you are ready to make a change. I hope it all works out well for both of you!

      • zDCdoc

        He may not be ready for a change but we are. It may not work out well for him but he is an adult and must take responsibility. Even in my golden years as they are called it might not work out for my husband and I either. Retirement funds tanked and who knows how long SS will be around. Investments are no security these days either. No individual is going to take care of us. We are adults. My son is too and needs to step up to the plate and take his knocks. This economy is fair to very few. That is a reality and these kids need to learn to cope. It might not be the life their patents provided but we had to work from the ground up. Medical school was expensive for both hubby and I a hundred years ago. We sacrificed and sorry but that is part of growing up.

        • too old to runaway

          Here here!!!!

          • zDCdoc

            I tossed him out. Letting him back was stupid on my part. He is doing just fine w/o me!

        • Melinda Lloyd

          I completely agree that your son has overstayed his welcome. He needs to take some responsibility for his life.

          • zDCdoc

            It has been two months since he has left. He has landed a job paying six figures within two weeks after I said enough was enough. He would stay in school the rest of his life if I had let him. With me allowing him to stay all I was doing was enabling his behavior. If he wants a year off he can finance it. My biggest mistake was not doing it sooner. While the economy is not great I remember hubby and I struggling and a very high interest rate on our mortgage that was considered great at the time but still very expensive. We had student debts from medical school. Very few individuals did not start off struggling. Allowing him back home was the biggest parenting mistake I made. He had an education, brains but no motivation. That was not going to come from a vaca at my house!

          • Melinda Lloyd

            Glad to hear it worked out!! I do think that there is a big difference between a helping hand and an enabling shoulder!! When they stop helping themselves the burden falls entirely on you, and that is not ok. I am sure you are very proud of his accomplishments so far. Remind him of all the help you provided him when you start needing help yourself!!!

          • zDCdoc

            He knows-:) he has three older brothers and they have done a beautiful job at reinforcing my strategy. I am proud BUT I knew he could do it and I expected nothing less. All of our kids are in different fields with different abilities. All we ever asked is that they live up to their potential and set the bar to push themselves. I don’t advocate burning yourself out or getting so OCD you can’t function but we will never reach our full potential unless we try. Even at my age I am still a work in progress. I am now heading back for more training even though I will be the oldest “kid” in the group. It is also in a foreign country and a very rough environment but I will grow. Beats sitting in my comfort zone aging. I need to practice what I preach!

    • norain norainbows

      Son, you can take the year off if you like. Just not in my house.

  • zDCdoc

    Planning for graduation and the job market need to start in college! It might not be your dream job and odds you are underemployed high BUT this is not unique to your generation. We all had to start out at the bottom. After college if you planned correctly and lived frugally you should be independent. School debt is a fact of life for most. Yes it would be great to be debt free so you can continue on to grad school but that does not prepare you for adulthood with house/rent, utilities, food, medical, car etc. and learning to balance that yourself teaches those skills. I taught college, med school to be exact and higher level science undergrad classes. Those that they site as being unemployed are underemployed for a reason. Most did not show up to class or were too hungover to study. I see this from both sides. Many wanted it given. Trust me if you work for it you will appreciate it more when you get it. We struggled for years with incredible med school debt and working 36 hour shifts with lousy pay. The world owes you nothing! You have to make your own way. Harsh perhaps but that is reality. You will survive even if not to your initial liking.

    • Melinda Lloyd

      I don’t agree with this. While, yes, we note that current applicants are not as professional or ready for the job market as previous generations, this is not the main reason for un/underemployment. The job market is much harder on the current graduates than on previous generations as there are many very experienced professionals who are older, having lost their jobs, willing to step in for the low salaries often reserved for these new incoming young adults. To say current unemployments are always the fault of the young adult is ignorance to the situation. Yes, there will be a few that fit your description, but there are many cases that do not. Parents should be able to tell which category their child fits into.

      • zDCdoc

        I get 50 year olds saying they were replaced by young kids because they cost them less in salary and medical claims experience which determines rates. You can argue both ways. If you don’t think kids have changed come spend a day with me at school or a night with me in ER. The change is dramatic from our generation to this one. If your child is too drunk to go to class or even get a GED you have a problem. It is a huge problem in society that these kids are way beyond the maturity curve. College is the new high school as far as behavior and grad school the new college. I live in DC obviously and we gave very low unemployment yet kids get jobs if they go after them. If they don’t sell themselves and push you are right. Parents should be able to tell but if your high school student has yet to see his career/college office at his school and has no plans when he has his cap and gown that is the child’s fault as well as the parent’s

        • Melinda Lloyd

          completely agreed in those cases. I am merely stating that there are many kids not fitting that scheme. It is not a one size fits all. I have a lot of friends struggling and taking any low paying job that will accept them at the moment. They have good degrees that should be useful to them, and are hard workers, but the opportunities promised when starting those college programs just are not there.

          • zDCdoc

            If you get a history major or art major yes you are going to have a harder time. Right now we are importing STEM majors, (science, technology, engineer and math) from Asia to fill the openings. I guess my point when one decides a college major they need to explore options. College is no longer about being trained for a job but getting a skill set and being able to take skills like the ability to extrapolate and apply it to any field. Again, it might not be the dream job but there are high demands in certain fields. If you land in one with little or no demand consider grad school If you can afford it OR just take a few classes at your community college in computer science or IT. The starting pay is tolerable and it will pay the bills. The days if going to college, getting an English major and landing a job as a writer are long gone. Department of Labor Statistics has great info on where the job needs are.

          • Melinda Lloyd

            hahaha no. None are history or art… While my husband is an engineer, a lot of jobs were recently cut from the DOE in that field and he knows how lucky he is to have anything let alone something stable like he does. My friends were in biology or other science related fields which when we started college were promoted as growing fields that would never decline. Personally I went with Education only to find that I wouldn’t be able to get a job anyhow, so changed to “liberal studies” A major that typically has a harder time finding work. However I have the better job out of my friends who are much more qualified in their fields which still are promoted as “growing”. It’s all luck out there right now.

          • zDCdoc

            I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree. I have given you a site but if you are not interested there is little I can do. The jobs are there. They are given by geographic location. You can call it luck but I think it is hitting the ground hard and fast, networking, volunteering to gain experience, intern while still IN college. I do think one very interesting point is here. Are you willing to relocate or are you waiting for a job in a depressed area? Engineering is in high demand and only 4% of our last graduating class failed to secure jobs. A few had convictions ranging from drugs to assault charges so that is a no brainer. With an opening like “hahaha no” I don’t think we are going to get too far-:) have a pleasant rest of your week and

          • Melinda Lloyd

            You did not provide a site. You also said “agree to disagree” yet then continued to try to have the last word. Sorry Sir, but that was rude. Networking is, yes, the basis for everything nowadays. As I said, skill and actual hard work have little to do with success in your field, it is about who you know, and how you socialize. That has much more to do with your economic bracket than your abilities or laziness. Also many of these children who move back in (what the article was about to begin with) will not have gone to college, or will have majors you believe to be poor choices. That may be, but the fact remains that trying is the key factor to whether or not a parent should extend a helping hand. Your son wasn’t trying, so you rightfully cut him off. However many kids are trying, maybe they made poor choices, but that is completely besides the point.

            Also the reason I started with “hahaha no.” was because I found your frank assumption that either 1.) Any individual doing poorly was an art or history major; or 2.) Any friend of mine had to have made poor choices in this regard; to be quite prejudicial and rude in whichever way you meant it. While I didn’t want to blatantly point that out, you forced the issue.
            So yes, the argument is over, please feel free for one last rant back at me, even though you said you would not. I am done. Goodbye.

          • zDCdoc

            I am a woman not a Sir-:) talk about assumptions, have a wonderful holiday.

          • disqus_dgBvtTjSqi

            You do not know what you are talking about. The other poster and myself are familiar with the situation you are just using info you heard on the news or read on AOL

          • Nnb

            Actually, I didn’t. There’s no need to be petty. How do you know where I got my info?

          • 11011988

            Wow! Way to make rude assumptions. People can major in whatever they want. We can’t all be good in STEM fields. Also, we can’t all be talented in art, drama, dance, music, etc. Plus, a lot of people who major in the arts aren’t in it for the money. Maybe they don’t mind struggling. As my grandma used to say, “there are many different ways to skin a cow” and “it takes all kinds.” Now, I do agree that some people make poor choices, don’t put enough effort into their job searches, etc. But, there are many people who are very diligent in looking for jobs, internships, etc who have trouble getting a job that pays well or any job at all. I have a friend who applied to hundreds of jobs (she also did internships and worked in college) and it took her months to actually find a job. Yes, she put in a lot of effort, but jobs don’t just fall into your lap, the minute you start looking.

          • disqus_dgBvtTjSqi

            You are ill informed. There are plenty of american STEM majors to fill the jobs. Employers want people that will work for lower wages or will put in twice the hours for the same wages they pay an american. Mostly they want people that will shut up and not complain about poor working conditions, noncompliance etc. Read anywhere on the net, people that are in STEM fields are saying be careful! Go to a message board full of engineers or scientists that cannot get jobs. Some professional fields are still relatively safe but certainly not STEM fields. Its a corporate-paid scam. I hate to see all of these poor kids falling for the STEM scam

  • Too old to runaway

    Your position still sounds like entitlement. My parents were older, could have been my grandparents, but they were wonderful. One thing they didn’t do however, is give me advice on how to survive. They just made it clear, that once I was married, that coming home wasn’t an option. So, I did what I could to survive. I, on the other hand, have been taken advantage of, because of my guilt for having made a bad choice in marriage. My daughter has been living with me and her bf, and her 5 yr. daughter, now a new baby, for about four years. They do take care of their own bills, but mostly are still in debt. I’ve told them where to go for help. The bf expects to get a free ride. Today, I am going to get the nerve to tell him that I’m needing to collect rent to the tune of 600, which is just over half of my mortgage. I now make one fourth of what I used to and can’t concentrate to even try to improve my situation due to the chaos in the house.

    • Good luck with the talk – I hope it goes well! That sounds like a very tough situation.

    • zDCdoc

      You need to put yourself first. Funding a retirement and taking care of yourself is your first priority. You have raised your children and all must move on. I wish you the very best! It is not easy having just tossed one out but it is the best in the end for all of us. If these kids don’t get on their own two feet what will they do when we are gone?

    • Melinda Lloyd

      I agree, you are being too kind to these kids. Rent should be expected if they are being financially irresponsible.

  • taz

    What about poor parents who cant afford another mouth to feed? im barely able to afford college and with my other sister in college now too my single mom can not afford for me (an adult)to live off of her for free anymore. Just helping out around the house is not enough. This article is for parents who have the option of not charging rent. Alot dont have that option.

    • That’s a good point, taz. Thanks for your comment!

    • zDCdoc

      Even if you are financially secure now things can change and parents need to protect their future. Retirement is expensive! You do cut back on food, clothing and gas but at some point nearly all will have to face medical bills and even worse assisted living or nursing home care. Between the two it can kill your savings in no time. You simply can’t go to a bank and ask for a loan to cover assisted living. As soon as a parent can they must start looking after themselves first. It is not because we don’t love you. It is because we do! Who will be picking up the bill so we are not homeless? Most likely you be it directly or through the system. The system is already on overload as us boomers age. It will only get worse. Most of us started off dirt poor with student debt too if we went to college. My generation had parents who tossed you out at 18 for work or school. Not easy but most all of us did the work and built a life. While things are expensive now we had some terrible years if inflation in the very late 70s and early 80s. Mortgage interest was 16% if you had good credit. Payments were incredibly high even if you qualified. Our parents had the Great Depression. All generations have challenges. Hang in there, gain your independence and even if your parents do have money it can be gone very quickly. I admire you for recognizing your mom’s own struggles!

      • Taz

        My comment was about kids actually paying rent. Not kids freeloading….i dont expect my mom to help much at all simply because she cant afford to

    • Melinda Lloyd

      Taz, If I were your mother I would say that while rent was free, food is not part of that deal and that they must provide for a % of the monthly food bill. There is a difference between free rent and free utilities/living costs

      • Taz

        I paid rent and utilities when I lived with my mom.

    • Rachel Catherine Dodd

      He said at the end to do what is best for your family and that it’s a personal decision. Read before you comment.

      • Taz

        I read every last word. Dont come over here with that bitchy attitude. Its uncalled for.

    • TheJerk

      I’ll chime in for a second here. I had two jobs when I was 18, not because I had to but wanted to. Kids these days are lazy, not that all are but most are. It all starts when their young and knowing that in order to have anything in life you have to want it. Living at home with Mom and Dad doesn’t cut it in my book. It’s a lame excuse to be lazy. Period! Sorry if this seems offensive but it’s the truth and that sometimes hurts. So be it.

      • Taz

        I agree with you. Sometimes living at home isnt a option, like I said, because parents cant afford to have a grown adult living with them scott free

        • Athena

          My son moved in with me after he broke up with his girl. He won’t give me a penny , he brings drugs in the home (pot) and expects me to drive and pick him up from work. When I ask for rent he ignores me. Gas money is a joke, like pulling teeth! He tells me I can’t kick him out! I packed his stuff one day after being so frustrated, he told me I was a horrible person and I can’t do that. Anyway he hates me now and claims he will move out, but I’ll believe it when I see it. He put a whole in one of the doors because he was mad. I’m afraid when I am at work he is going to retaliate . And wreck the place I rent an apartment. He’s not on the lease. He knows the law and that I can’t throw him out. He is 25. I love him but resent him. I’m thinking of moving just to be rid of him. Help!

          • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

            You obviously do not love your son.

      • Athena

        I didn’t mind helping my kids out, but you are right. After a while it’s an excuse to be lazy. Taking advantage is what it amounts too. When my daughter moved out into her friend’s parent’s home cause I was the bad guy, she paid them rent, but not me! Go figure. They finally got tired of her lazy ass too and kicked her out because she was a slob, and started gradually not paying rent. The mom called me complaining about her. I was like, I told ya so .

    • Athena

      What if they say they will pay rent but never do?and they know by law it’s hard to kick them out? That’s the problem I’m facing with my 25 year old son.

      • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

        Try supporting your child. 25 is not a realistic age to expect them to move out these days.

        • Taz

          Im 25. Have a awesome job and I’ve been out of the house. Maybe I worked hard because I knew life wasnt free anymore.

        • Roslyn Renwick

          of course it is. this adult child is taking advantage and is bullying and intimidating on top

    • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

      Your children aren’t responsible for YOUR finances. Ever.

      • Taz

        I don’t have kids. I’m just saying me staying rent free at home wasnt a option

  • Elizabeth

    In my case, I ended up moving back home very recently because I broke my right ankle and cannot drive or climb the stairs to my third-floor apartment. Since I still have to pay the rent on that apartment I can’t get to and I’m trying to pay down student loans at the same time, I’m very grateful that my mom is nice enough not to charge me rent. I would have to decrease my loan payments if she did. So I agree that a blanket “charge your kids rent if they come back” statement is too extreme for most cases.

    That said, I wish I could say I were at least helping out around the house, but that’s not particularly viable until I can stand again or someone invents a sitting dish-washing station. It’s aggravating.

    • Sorry to hear about your broken ankle! I think it’s more than reasonable for you to rely on your mom’s help as you recover from what must be a very frustrating injury. And I’m sure she is happy she can help you during a difficult time, regardless. Best of luck to you!

    • Your Mom’s AMAZING :-)

      You are/were injured… and your Mother helped you. This is so awesome of her and definitely NOT a mooching situation like Stephanie’s (above). I am sure that your Mother wanted to take care of you while you were healing. I hope you’re ankle is better. Your Mother obviously did an amazing job of raising you. 🙂

    • guest

      poor baby, I broke my foot had 2 stories and no where else to go so I dealt with it get over your self

      • Solace

        Gee, I’m glad that makes you feel so superior, random internet stranger who feels the need to insult me months after the fact.

        • Nate

          Nothing to do with being superior, or random, nor does the time elapsed change the truth. The reply (which wasn’t mine) was could have been worded with more sensitivity, but it isn’t any less true as written.
          I’ve, literally, NEVER heard of someone that had to move because they broke their ankle. It’s only a few floors, for god’s sake. Use crutches, slide up backwards on your butt, whatever…. Learn how to care for yourself!!! What would you have done if your mother wasn’t alive? Live in the alley next to the building? I doubt it.

          • Solace

            You’re right. Accepting help is a form of weakness and I should never have accepted kindness from my mother.

            Thread un-followed.

          • R

            Just don’t reply. Stop reading and stop replying. You’re only going to make yourself crazy.

          • R

            Nate… how is this helpful? Keep it to yourself. The internet doesn’t need more people lecturing strangers with gratuitous exclamation points. It just feels like you’re picking a fight.

  • Zane Orlando

    I lost my job on the 28th july, spent all of my money paying off rent and bills for my shared house which the lease ended on september 1st. thankfully my parents let me come and live with them until i found a new job. i had to sleep on a mattress in the same room as my 10 year old brother. i had a -1750 overdraft and literally zero money. I was able to eat and sleep for free though, i claimed benefits and then I got a job after 2 months which earns me £1100 a month. I have already made arrangements to move in with a friend in january. I want to save my money cos i want a TEFL career, a car and enough money to be in a decent financial position and live normally with my friend. I have a civil and friendly relationship with my parents but the second i got my new job they decided i need to pay £200 a month rent before i leave. Theyre completely entitled to do it, it is their house, i just feel like theyre doing it for them and not for my best interests at all. am i being selfish or should my parents be more considerate of me trying to save after hard times and live a better life with some actual financial responsibility? i could understand if i was out drinking and blowing my money but im literally buying my own food, paying off bills and trying to save for a TEFL course and a car. they say i can still do that and pay rent, i just feel a little let down. But who know maybe im just being a brat, it is their house after all and without them i would be homeless right now. all thoughts welcome!

    • Hi Zane, that is an interesting situation. Thanks for sharing, and so sorry to hear about your job loss and subsequent challenges! I think you are right to feel a little let down about the new rent being charged by your parents, but on the other hand, they did let you stay there for free while you were trying to deal with unemployment and finding a new job. If I were you, I would focus on the fact that they helped you out and are still there to offer guidance and emotional support and that way you can enjoy the positives without letting the negatives get in your way. Just my two cents! Good luck.

    • Melinda Lloyd

      Zane, I too have been in debt quite a bit. My mother was kind enough to let me pay off the debt (literally 100% of paychecks going to that and to nothing else) before paying any rent. Saving for your course and car are luxuries, and perhaps if you put off saving anything for those and focused on just paying off the debt (perhaps giving them a timeline for that to be paid off) and agreeing to pay rent after that… they may be willing to see things your way for a little longer.

    • norain norainbows

      So you parents let you live rent free with food until you paid your bills off. Oh poor thing, you had to sleep on a mattress in your brother’s room. How did that work out for your brother, pal? Yes, your parents are doing it for themselves. Wonder why? Because they let you live for free for quite some time, paying of your own bills, while they incurred some having you live there. Extra food, water, accomodations, etc. Did you think of that for a minute. A full grown man takes up considerable space and eats quite a bit more than let’s say a 5 year old. You now have a job. You need to say to your parents “here’s something towards me, an adult, living in your house, using hot water and utilities that cost money, eating your food and taking up space.” So sorry you feel so let down that they rescued you from being homeless, insured that you are now debt free and back at work — in one piece. You are an adult. You have to pay for your living expenses, no matter where you live. You are planning your next life’s chapter as if you got where you are allllll on your own. You did not. You parents are not responsible for you getting a car, going back to school, getting a certificate or making your bed. Grow up. Be a man. Adult children: Your mom and dad are not Bill Gates, Oprah or a Trump, much less privileged jet setters or living large. They do not have legacies or trust funds. There is no guest house, tree house or summer house. The servants don’t work at your parents’ house because your parents can afford them. Unless you are 12, stop expecting your parents to take care of you.

      • 11011988

        Most parents aren’t Bill Gates, that goes without saying. Yes, parents are not required to help adult children..but remember adult children are not required to help their parents either. I think it’s funny and pathetic when parents refuse to help their adult children and then later on complain that their children never visit them or help them. It goes both ways. And about complaining, well sometimes you have to make sacrifices (sleeping on a mattress). Also, I see a lot of complaining in the comments section here, so maybe we shouldn’t complain about others complaining…

        • Kathy from CT

          30 years ago I lost my husband and then my house. While my parents were by no means wealthy, they cod certainly have afforded to help me out financially. That said, they did not and I am eternally grateful they didn’t. It forced me to grow up, get my head out of the sand, face reality, and stand on my own 2 feet.

          Was it hard? Heck yeah! Was I bitter and angry with them? Never once. The thought never crossed my mind that they could or should help me out financially or have me move back in with them. It was my problem to figure out. Yes, they were there day and night for emotional support, which was enough.

          I learned a lot during that time, most importantly that relationships are never to be taken for granted.

          AND I am damn proud of myself for what I have accomplished on my own by my own hard work.

          • Kathy from CT

            Oh, let me add I took care of my dad for 4 months after his strokes and am now caring for my elderly mom who has dementia.

          • Nnb

            I helped take care of my grandfather who had dementia, it’s a challenge, but I was glad to do it. It’s so nice of you to help your parents out!

  • Melinda Lloyd

    I agree with the “putting aside” point. I think it’s a good idea for several reasons. First, you feel better about the situation because you are in no obligation to give that money back, so it becomes a gift. Second, they won’t take advantage of the situation since they believe they are just paying you and you are using that money. Third, when they do move out and see how much money they amassed, they will realize more clearly just how fast “cheap monthly payments” can add up, a lesson much better learned this way than with credit card debt…… There are further reasons I am sure.

    I also agree that if the parent is also on hard times the rent should be to help out there.

    • Well said, Melinda!


  • zDCdoc

    One thing I noticed that has not been addressed much is independence as in psychological independence. These kids need to function on their own. I am not saying it is easy and you might have to hold two jobs to do it but move in with friends and share expenses that way. Your parents are just that, your parents and the dynamic changes little no matter how old you get. A time will come when you no longer have them. The sooner you start the path to independence the better. I learned the hard way with one of mine. You can charge rent, bill them or do nothing but the real issue is getting them independent. Financially is only part of a much bigger picture. JMHO

    • Kathy from CT

      Well said!

    • Nnb

      So true!

  • Stephanie

    My husband and our three kids moved in with my in-laws only caused they had asked us to. They told us they needed help with only being driven places. They have an adopted son who is still in middle school, so my husband’s mom gets tired from driving him places and her husband to and from work. We graciously accepted their invite. We now pay 600 a month and they have been making us buy the groceries, which averages out to about 500 a month. Our annual income is around 1600 and my husband is also going to college. I’m extremely annoyed at the situation. To me it seems like they are taking advantage of us living with them. I don’t mind helping out, but there has to be a limit.

    • Melba Von Eye

      Maybe they are trying to encourage you to get out on your own!

      • Appreciate Your In-Laws!

        Yes Melba, I agree. Where are you going to find $220/month rent per person that includes EVERYTHING? How many people would be willing or able to take in a family of 5 for only 1100/mo. plus rides… and they even include food and toiletries with that dirt-cheap rent? I paid more than that in the 80s while working and finishing my education (which I also paid for). I think her in-laws are very generous… too generous! Stephanie will eventually realize that self-pity rarely accomplishes anything productive.

    • What Makes You Feel ENTITLED ?

      Sorry Stephanie… you say that they asked you to move in to help THEM but really it seems as though they asked you to move in to help YOU while your husband finishes his education. You could always move into your own place and help out your mother-in-law by offering to drive them when you’re not working and this way you won’t feel as though they are taking advantage of your generosity. Either way, maybe it would be better to get a place of your own to avoid feeling “extremely annoyed with the situation”.

    • norain norainbows

      So say something. Where can you live with three children for $1,000 a month? By the way, no one is “making” you buy groceries. You have three children. You are responsible for them, not you in-laws. Where these financial arrangements discussed before you moved in?

  • Parent

    Your non-paying rent suggestion and giving back what was paid in at the end of the rental cycle is selfish. Based on the “what I could have had” scenario without even considering how many people barely make it by these days and assuming all parents are so well established that adding another mouth to feed and the added expenses of electric, water, etc is easily absorbed by the very people who raised you to begin with is immature and the very reason many kids today can’t make it. Maybe most kids think their parents are so well off is because they choose not to discuss their financial status with you. Maybe it’s because they want better for you than what they had for themselves even to the point that they set themselves back. Buck up, pay rent and make it work out. Your parents have nobody to fall back on and you shouldn’t take advantage of them.

    • TheJerk

      Very well said.

    • nikki_bee

      No, many kids can’t make it because we’re all fucking underemployed. There aren’t that many jobs out there for us that pay a livable wage or are willing to give us full-time hours. Furthermore, if you don’t have any professional connections or an ability to network with people, in this economy, you are screwed. We’ve also been saddled with even more debt than anyone of our parents’ generation were expected to take on just to receive “job training.”

      Maybe we don’t think you are “well off” either. But we sure as shit are a lot worse off than you. Maybe if you didn’t want to help your grown kids out and pay for their continued existence, you shouldn’t have had kids. You were the one who chose to breed. Your kids didn’t have a say in their existence. That was all on you. Your argument about immaturity is ridiculous, considering you probably had your kids at a young age too without considering how much they are actually going to cost you in the future.

  • Miranda

    I am a 23 year old person who moved into my parent’s house a few months ago after losing my apartment because of terrible roommates. And I also lost my job. I know what it’s like to live on my own and have always saved my money, I don’t go out at all, I’m more of a staying-in kind of person. With the money I had saved I buy all my food and shampoo and things. I don’t make messes and I get along fine with everyone and I sleep on a couch. I haven’t been charged rent yet because I can’t afford it, but I’m always being told that I’m a freeloader and need to get my act together, which I am trying to do, but it takes a little time. Not to mention personal criticisms about my character because I’m different than when they were my age. Anyway, I feel like my parents see articles about kids who are actually just lazing about and think that any kid who lives at home is immediately terrible. So I’m glad there’s someone else who sees it my way.

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed the article! I don’t think you’re a freeloader at all, and it’s too bad you’ve had to hear that word thrown about. You are understandably trying to get back on your feet, and it would be good if your parents could see that. Best of luck – hope it all works out for you!

    • norain norainbows

      Are you actually looking for another job? Maybe you do need to get your act together. Tell your parents each day updates of your job search. Do you really “get along” with everyone else. And sleeping on a couch kind of infringes on the regular household. Keep in mind that most parents with adult children when they were in their 20’s were working, had their own apartments, may have been married with children and when they look at their own 20 something children “sleeping on the couch”, they actually do see a freeloader. Hardly anyone was going to wait until they were 35 or 40 to get married and have children. An very few women lived with a man for years and years hoping he would ask them to get married. It was another time and place. Ask just about anyone over 40 and they will tell you most 20 somethings behave as if they are “entitled”, not as if they are prepared to work just about anywhere, save, and plan for what they want in their life. Re the sofa thing: your parents are not going to make you comfy since they probably don’t want you to start thinking about staying on for a few years. That is what most people do when a friend in need has no place to go. They don’t give that loved one the guest room with a queen size bed, wifi and cable and a gift debit card “until things get better”.

  • Lo

    I moved home after college and did not pay rent. I would have but then I got laid off. Then when I was 25, my parents charged me $100/month. I understood it, even though I pay for my own clothes, shampoo, food, etc. Might I add, I am also staying home, since my parents are opposed to living together with my boyfriend before marriage. So I am staying home until I marry my long time boyfriend. I stay to save money, but also to make them happy, because I could afford to move in with my boyfriend, since he has a good job and could help support me. Then at the age of 27, I decided back to grad school, and they decided to raise my rent. I understand teaching “responsibility,” but that extra money is now money I need to take out in student loans, which I pay interest on. Even so, I have come up with money saving tricks, but the tricks will just get me money to pay them, and not use for school. I understand that it is not my parents’ choice that I am still home, not married, and now going back to school for 2 years. However I am “under employed” and couldn’t live on my own, hence why I am going for my masters. So I feel I am doing right by them, and now forced to stretch my savings further for school, when my parents don’t need the money. I am not angry, but I would maybe like some parental insight as to why this makes sense to them.

    • It’s hard to know exactly what their reasoning is, but my guess is you’re right that it has something to do with teaching you responsibility. Different parents have different opinions on this – some are much more relaxed than others. Explaining to them your situation and your plan might help, but it sounds like you’ve already done that. Anyway, I wish you luck in finding a resolution that leaves everyone happy.

    • norain norainbows

      I think you parents understood they would pay for you undergraduate education and then you would be on your own. As a full grown adult, you have chosen to go to grad school, while you are living at home. Do any of these adults think to themselves “if I were living anywhere else what would my living expenses be?” Why do adults think their parents are supposed to still be taking care of them, after they have grown up, gone to college, lived away from home, etc. Grow up. Be an adult Do not blame or even question your parents’ expectations for you to be responsible. You lived at home because you “want to save money”. You could have gotten a small studio or a roommate. What do you really think is going to happen to you if your long time boyfriend runs off with someone he met two weeks ago? Or consider getting married at a simple civil ceremony followed by dinner at a nice restaurant and having your husband take care of you like you said he could. Stop whining. Grow up.

  • PJ

    Both my sons live at my house. One is paying rent and going to school. The other graduated with a 4 year degree, has his girlfriend with him and pays me half of what the other does. All three work a low paying job and not full time. I lost my job, had back surgery with no insurance. I’ve depleted my savings supporting my second son and his girlfriend. Promises are made, but he never follows through. He eats out a lot, buys video games…They are taking advantage of me. Oh and Sally Mae calls me all the time!

    • Hi there, sorry to hear about this difficult situation. It might be a good idea to schedule a meeting with the son and his girlfriend to discuss what they’ll need to do in order to continue living at your house. You can make a list of what you need and present it to them politely but firmly. Hope that helps!

    • norain norainbows

      Why is a girlfriend living in your house. Are they waiting for your to croak or something. Try this: “This is the deal people. Going To School Son, your rent is what you are paying. College Grad son with girlfriend, your rent is now [at least twice if not three times what they are presently paying]. Two of you live here. So the rent is double of what you were paying. If you can’t pay that, then you will have to move. Mamasita! Why are you supporting a man who has a woman living with him. Stop complaining. Get up and buy an actual doormat. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

  • Jim A

    27 year old living at home rent free ,we are paying student loans for her , refuses to help around the house and gets mad when I suggest it, I get no backup from the wife , Situation really causes problems in our house for me . She pretty much gave up on looking for full time work. Gave her a choice last week and have not been spoken to ever since. Gotta love it.

    • Hi Jim, that’s a tough situation. Kudos to you for being patient with your daughter, but it sounds like you need more of an effort from her. It might be worth scheduling a family discussion when you all can sit down and talk about what will be required of her if she is to continue living at your house. I know this can be tough, but if you prepare what you want to say in advance, it can go smoothly. You could also show her this blog post and comment thread to help her understand why you feel the way you do. Good luck!

    • norain norainbows

      Jim: Tell the 27 year old you can no longer pay her bills and she has to move out. Make sure the bills are in her name. Suggest that maybe she can live with a friend for a while. See how that works out for her. If necessary, place an ad in the local newspaper stating you are not responsible for “My Daughter.” Turn off her cell phone. Cancel any credit cards. Sell some of her clothes on Ebay if necessary. Tell your wife that 5 or 10 years will come and go and your bratty daughter will still be there, because no decent man would want someone like her. If your wife refuses to join in this necessary behavior, make sure you are not responsible for your wife’s bills and credit cards either. Don’t get involved in the emotional backlash. Your daughter is a user and that is what users do. “Desperate times” man. And desperate times call for desperate actions.

  • Annoymous

    Parents who charge their children rent are fools. I would never charge my children rent money. Me and my future husband has our own money. Our children need money for themselves. Me and my husband may not be able to pay everything for our children, but at least when they are working they will be able to afford the things they need. Parents who set rules for adults are fools. It is not just their house, it belongs to your children too and even, if they no longer live there. Adult children do not care about rules, especially their are busy studying school and working to save for their new home. Adult children does not have to do anything for looser parents. Our home is always my children home to too. Parents have their own money and they need to use it. They are responsible for their expenses, not children. Children are only responsible for their own financial needs when they are working and making their own money. Even I never had good parents and I hate them, but I will love my husband and children and treat them better.

    • Okayyyy……

      You really should reconsider your stance on this issue… maybe you could put that extra $ into some English classes. I disagree with you about parents being “foolish” for requiring their ADULT children to at least try and support themselves. I believe that if one wishes to be treated as an adult, they should at least do their personal best to behave as an adult. Parents who teach their child to be independent, responsible and self-reliant are NOT “loosers” or “fools”, but GREAT parents. I don’t have children of my own, but I was raised by GREAT parents.

    • Hank

      you must be very wealthy and have no clue how others suffer. My single mother could never afford to have me living at home, rent free, and I am only 22. I live on my own now, and my mom or dad wont help me out with a penny. When i lived at home with mom, I had to pay 75 a week after age 19.

    • norain norainbows

      Troll City? By the way:
      1. Parents don’t set rules for their adult children. They have rules for their homes. Example: No smoking. No shoes. No pets. That is how they live. Anyone (including their children) who wants to live there has to follow the rules.
      2. Parents who own their own homes are not losers. Parents provide for their children until they are adults.
      3. Losers are adults who expect someone to pay for their personal maintenance like they are a 10 year old.
      4. Adult children are responsible for the bills they make, whether they are working or not.
      5. Most children who hate their parents (who tried their best to care for them) are probably also losers.

    • Dee

      I wish you were my mom. I’m 21, just moved out a couple weeks ago. And let me tell you, it was the best thing I’ve ever done! I have more money than I did living with my parents.
      Long story short, I started working right out of high school. Academics weren’t for me, and I know many people who went to college and are working the same jobs as me. At least I don’t have debt to pay back.
      But I digress. Moving out on your own is overwhelming in general, but add on the stress of money. Rent, water, electric, internet, phone bill, groceries, car insurance.
      That’s the reason it took so long to move out, as I wanted enough money to cover ALL that the next few plus months when I first moved out, so I wasn’t so stressed.
      But nope, my mom made me pay half the rent, more than what my rent for my apartment costs now i.e. I pay 85 dollars for rent, and my mom charged me 200. No joke. I had to pay for ALL the food bought. I don’t know how many times I bought something with my money, shampoo, cereal, it was gone before I was even able to use it.
      I was already paying for my own cell, car, plus gas, but my mom doesn’t want a cell phone and made me help pay her landline that I DIDN’T use! She literally cost me most of the money I saved to move out to cover expenses for the next couple months.
      I even learned recently that she cashed college funds when I was growing up, so even if I wanted to go to college, I couldn’t. Savings bonds were also cashed.
      She has also stolen money from my that I got from working shitty part time jobs before my now current 10 hour job, plus all the money I got for graduation and birthdays. In total, she literally owes me about 7 thousand dollars.
      My dad’s not any better. He spends any money as soon as he sees it, doesn’t even ask. He just takes it, and he also buys shit nobody wants or uses.
      This vent has gone on long enough, but parents shouldn’t make kids pay for their shit when they have their own stuff to pay. I’m actually quite behind on my phone bill because of all the money she made me pay her to live at home.
      In fact, I actually seen her spend that money on fast food instead of rent or whatever she claimed I had to pay. It’s sad when you have more money living on your own, paying your own bills then you did when you lived with you parents who are supposed to support you.
      And then people wonder why kids have physiological damage, or why they want nothing to do with their parents and it’s automatically the child’s fault.

  • nelop

    my mom charges me rent £300 a month plus £150 council tax so total of £450 a month my train travel into work is £400 a month so uve guessed it im barely left with anything at the end of the month we dont eat the same things so I do my own food shopping. The mortgage is paid off however there is no reasoning with her I try to save but its so hard. hoping to move out Im currently looking to see if I can rent a room near where I work which will save me 300+ a month

    • norain norainbows

      What would cost you to live in a studio apartment closer to work? Find one and move out. Your mother not having a mortgage is none of your business. She worked hard to buy and pay off her home. Now it’s your turn to do the same thing. Wherever or with whoever you live with, you will have to pay something. Why does an adult expect their parent to continue to support them?

  • Sharon Smith

    I let my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson move back home 13 years ago because they couldn’t afford rent on their own & I needed help with my ailing mother, who lived with me. My daughter had a 2nd child, divorced, and she & both grandchildren are still at home. She paid some help with food, etc. in the beginning but hasn’t paid anything since 2005 on any sort of regular basis. She can’t seem to hold down a full time job, is a slob, and has wrecked every car we own at least once. She is rude, and resents any feedback I give her. I am the only bread winner (my husband is on disability) and have full financial support of my grandsons. I would love to kick her out, but the boys have no other stability. I feel resentful and trapped, and tired. I pay for the boys health insurance, their glasses, their food and 90 % of their clothes. She moved out once 1000 miles away with a loser and it cost me 2 K to get her and the boys home. So . . . you tell me . . .should adult children pay rent?

    • Hi Sharon, I’m sorry to hear about this challenging situation! I’m sure it must be very frustrating to deal with. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you could find some way to communicate how you’re feeling (without anger) to your daughter then maybe she would begin to see how much you are doing for her. Or she needs to have the choices laid out more clearly for her (i.e. continue to live in the house but with a respectful attitude and helping around the house or finding another place to live). Best of luck to you!

    • norain norainbows

      Bye Bye Daughter. Your daughter is involved with some emotional blackmail with you. Tell her your income is reduced and you have no money to help her. Then what? What is going to happen if you get sick? become disabled? You are enabling your resentful child and she is not going to change until you make some changes of your own.

  • Rachael

    This is just one of those things that is always going to be based on the specific situation. You can’t use a blanket “You should or shouldn’t charge your kids rent” – If you have plenty of money, sure, let them stay rent free. If you don’t, charge them a discounted rent as to what they’d be getting elsewhere – you have a tenant and extra money you wouldn’t have had otherwise and they have a MUCH easier place to live – rent encompasses a lot more than simply the rental fee, you have to furnish the place, buy toiletries, pay cable, internet, water, utilities, food… all of those expenses will be much cheaper shared with an extra person, for both sides. It’s literally win win if you go about it the right way.

    The biggest issue is communication – communicate about what you expect and how it makes you feel. People posting about how “unfair” it is that their parents are making them pay rent – welcome to adulthood. It’s not often fair, but you are the one who chose to go to school, and you’re the one who signed for the debt. You’re the one with the degree to show for it, thus, it’s your responsibility to pay it back, no matter how long it takes. Your parents aren’t obligated to help you by giving you a free ride until you’re debt free.

    Personal experience – I’m 25 and have been on my own for years (most of them without a great paying job while I was in school). I’ve always had roommates, didn’t have cable or a smartphone, and shopped wisely. I’ve been paying back my loans all while paying my monthly apartment rent – the fact that you’re complaining about a couple hundred dollars a month is ludicrous, you’d likely be paying twice that if your parents weren’t letting you live at home.

    Bottom line – some parents can easily help, and some may need you to pitch in. Your parents aren’t better or worse for being one type or the other, and either way, you’re likely getting a better deal than if they weren’t around. So… stop complaining?

    • Getting a lower rate on the monthly rent is certainly a big advantage, and I agree it is quite reasonable to ask that in most cases. Thanks for your comment!

    • Nnb

      You’re right.. It really depends on the parents, the kids, and the family situation. It’s not one size fits all.
      A kid who is nasty and takes advantage of his parents should never be tolerated, whatever the situation!

  • Kate

    After many years of fully supporting my son financially after he graduated from high school and then dropped in and out of community college and goofed around I drew the line. When I moved to a new town I offered that he could come along, live rent free but pay for all consumables (food, cell phone, gas (my car), share of insurance etc. He since has gotten into a major university and has taken out student loans to pay for it, is a top student majoring in both Math/CS and gets a bunch of scholarships and grants. And he still saves $$ because he is not paying rent. It helps me greatly not to have to pay for his incidentals. I think it is good that he finally has some skin in the game. A year later my adult daughter and husband with my granddaughter also moved in with me, wanting to find jobs and start a better life in the new area. When they came a year ago I did not charge them for anything for about 6 – 9 months, while they were applying for jobs. Once they both got jobs (together they make more than I do) I asked them to pay me – about half of what an apartment would cost. They still saved enough money for a downpayment and will be out in their own house in another five weeks when escrow closes. I believe that it was fair to demand that they pay me; I need to make sure I save enough for my retirement and I cannot afford to have a huge money drain. And I am sure they don’t want me to knock on their door someday because I am destitute.

    • It sounds like you’ve handled things really well. I’m glad to hear that both your son and your daughter were able to use your home as a springboard to a more stable financial situation. Great job!

  • Melissa

    I disagree, I think allowing an adult to live at home rent free is enabling and not allowing them to reach their full potential. Stop whining that you had to pay rent.

    • suebrowcounty

      A parent taking from their child because the child is financially irresponsible is one thing. Taking from the child because you need the money to survive is also acceptable. Taking from a child because you think you should when the child could put that money toward school or paying down debt, especially if the parent can afford to not take the child’s money is just selfish and wrong .

      • Silent Political Yeoman

        I blew through practically all of my money at college and now that I’m back home for the summer, my parents are charging me $350/month, which started as soon as I got through the door. With my part-time summer job, it’s only leaving me a couple hundred per month, since I get paid biweekly. If they really wanted me to be the least bit successful on my own, they wouldn’t have my dad constantly pressuring me into joining the USAF. I don’t care how good the benefits are right now, I made up my mind a long time ago that military life isn’t for me (that and because I’m sick of moving, something I’ve done at least seven times).

        • That sounds like a frustrating situation, but it seems like you’re handling it very well. Saying “no” to parents wishes (especially career related) can be quite difficult, but as you clearly understand, it’s best to pursue your own path and figure out what will make you happy in the long run. Keep up the good work and I’m sure you’ll get the break you need eventually!

      • Dee

        Wow, someone who understands. I’m 21, literally just moved out a couple weeks ago. My rent is about 85 dollars, when my mom charged me 200. Most of that money went on her and not the rent, which I’ve come to find out she didn’t even pay. Nor was it that much. I can honestly say I have more money living on my own and paying all my bills than I did when I was living with my parents. Seriously, I already paid for my own car, plus gas, as well as my own phone and my part of the internet, which my mom also charged more for than I’m paying now. But she also made me help her pay for her houseline phone that I never once used. She works a very high paying job, as well as my dad, he owns his own successful company, but they kept taking my money for their own gain. And they wonder why I really have nothing to say to them anymore, nor tell them anything financially.

  • Hank

    When i lived at home with my mom, she made me pay 75 bucks a week, and I had to do all the chores. I have been living on my own for 2 years now, paying all the rent, groceries, and bills myself. I get really envious when i here about other 20 somethings getting free room and board, free rent, free cars, free gas, etc…literally every one of my peers gets free shit handed to them, and they all wonder why I am soo stressed, angry, and broke all the time.

    • Yeah, it can be very frustrating when others around you are not having to face the realities of the ‘real world’ and you are constantly stressed out over finances. I’m not sure if this helps, but I know you’re definitely not the only one in that situation! Best of luck to you.

    • norain norainbows

      Why are you angry. There are not other 20 somethings here getting free anything. There may be however, moochers, lazy butt children and some stressed out parents. Plan your budget. Consider getting a second job or cutting back on your own personal expenses. Regardless, live according to your means. You do not have to be broke all the time. You only “hear” about what other people are getting. You probably do not know the entire story. Your mother did the right thing, a good favor and prepared you for living alone. And I seriously doubt you had to do “all” the chores. An Hank, 75 dollars a week probably was just enough to feed you, provide some hot water for showers and electricity.

      • 11011988

        Sometimes getting a second job is easier said than done, it can depend on the hours of the first job. And they might be living well within their means and still be struggling to pay all their bills. You don’t know their whole situation. It’s unfair to assume that anyone who is struggling financially isn’t living within their means. That being said I know a lot of people having financial problems who are living WAY beyond their means.

  • norain norainbows

    Is this writer serious? The last line also says it all. That if her adult children returned home she would not charge them rent. Yeah Right. How old is this woman? Does she even have teenagers, much less adult children? I recall a man once told me that he would “do anything for me” and love me “no matter what” and that I was “perfect”. In 20 years, stuff always changes.

    Let’s see. If you are scrapped for cash yourself, lady, you will charge anyone living in your place some kind of rent or living expenses. Or maybe tell your adult children that you are so sorry you can only offer them your sofa or the basement because you have been renting the master bedroom out in order pay your own mortgage and taxes.

    Imagine you are a young adult, out of work and living with a friend. How long do you really think your friend is are going to be able to support you, your laundry, meals, along with your presence changing the entire vibration of the household? This article includes references to statistics, graphs, charts. But none of those numbers refers to adults doing what adults do when times are tough — getting a job as a waitress instead of an executive, selling your car or jewelry to pay for meals or cleaning offices or homes so you have an income of some kind.

    The writer actually suggests possible payment arrangements so her “do not charge rent” argument falls flat on its face. When a child is faced with a financial or medical crisis, a parent who is not fabulously wealthy will want to help out and offer their son or daughter a roof over their head. What rich mom or dad would not put their child up in the “guest house” or the “east wing”? But in households where a parent knows they will be working full-time until they are 67 or 70 to have a decent retirement, no able-bodied adult should expect to live anywhere rent free for an undetermined period of time, much less have someone take care of them. Does the writer have any inkling at all what it is like to be age 60+, to come home after a days work (of physical labor, mind you) and find your healthy, robust, wrinkle-free, not a gray hair on their head, child stretched out on the sofa watching a NetFlix movie and having them ask what dinner plans you have or if you remembered to get another gallon of milk as well as a reminder that you need to upgrade the computer service because it’s “too slow”. Most parents will not charge their adult child to pay market rent, but they should definitely expect the adult child to make some type of contribution to the household in some capacity on a regular basis, whether it is financial or doing physical repairs and household chores..

  • Guest from CT

    I agree with whoever said this article sounds like entitlement. Our 3 sons were told from a very early age that (1) our help with college would be providing a roof over their head, gas money to/from college, and food in their bellies and (2) they would have to start paying rent a month after they were out of school, whether that be high school or college. Additionally, they would be responsible for their share of car insurance if they were driving our cars, gas, cell phone, and any food/toiletries they wanted that we didn’t stock in our home (for example, “nicer” shampoo).

    One graduated college 3 weeks ago, found a full-time job, and will start paying rent this week; the other 2 have been out of school and paying rent all this time. My oldest also lives here with his fiance, and she pays rent as well. Yes, expenses went up when she moved in here, and they pay for their own food as well. Each pays $75/week, and it all is going into a separate account which I haven’t touched. Frankly, I am not sure how much I will give back – if at all – as each moves out. It seems the opposite of what I am trying to teach them — being responsible adults.

    • Guest from CT

      I should also add that all have their own cars which they paid for. And emergency funds as well. The fiance living here is saving the $400-$500 difference from what her rent was when she was renting an apartment. They are currently living here because my son is paying us back the money we loaned him for college, which he didn’t finish. Son #2 went to college on a full scholarship, so what we loaned him wasn’t nearly as much as for 1st son.

      • Thanks for sharing your experience, CT. It sounds like the arrangement has worked out quite well for all involved, including your children. I’m glad to hear it!

        • Guest from CT

          Thanks. After reading everyone’s comments and experiences, I decided to set up mutual fund accounts for each son & invest $25/week. The remaining money will be used towards utility expense increase and/or paying down house mortgage faster. This article helped me clear my thoughts. Again, thanks!

  • Lippy

    I moved out at age 19 because my mother had me to get a job during HS (so I had to give up extracurricular activities), and wanted half of my $55 weekly paycheck – even though the other half was being used on taking the bus to work after school, and then dinner at a local pizzeria. Then in college I moved back briefly, but had to sleep on the couch because she got rid of my bed. i stayed home for a year because again she wanted half of my paycheck, and i figured i could live with her and fight over her using my money for bills (she was recently divorved at age 45 and was workign her first jobs at KMart and Home Depot), or i could spend my money on rent in a place where i didn’t have to listen to her rules. I chose to be independant.
    While I am proud of the fact that I paid for everything I had and did since age 16, and that I was completely financially independant at a young age, it came with a cost. if i screwed up, i had no one to rely on. i had no choice but to take jobs that didn’t lead to a career i wanted because i needed to support myself. my grades were fine and i went to a good college, but i couldnt afford to continue my education – my working during college made it seem like i had money to pay for tuition, and disqualified me for a lot of financial aid.
    after mom’s divorce, she moved in with her parents rent free with me and my sister. she stayed living with her parents until they both died. she never became financially stable and is now living with my sister because she keeps getting fired from various jobs she gets. if she had offered me the courtesy of living rent free while i was trying to finish school, just like her parents did for her until they died (and left her with a hefty inheritance which she blew in 4 short years) i feel like i’d have been able to make better decisions younger and i wouldnt have so much debt looming over my head from school. i might also be in the career i wanted because i wouldnt have had to fear not being able to afford supporting myself.
    so in the end, i am still bitter and i am sure i need therapy. but some kids who are trying to start their own lives should at least be given that option if it is possible.

    • Guest from CT

      oh, I am so sorry to read this. You certainly got a raw deal. I hope you find a way to get this turned around. I wish you luck

    • Sorry to hear about this – it sounds very frustrating! I can only imagine what it was like to have to deal with a mother who didn’t want to support you even at age 16. I think you’re right that if she had decided to let you live rent free while completing your higher education, it would have helped you tremendously and probably would have given you both more financial security in the long run. Best of luck to you.

    • suebrowcounty

      You have a narcissistic mother. They can not be fixed. She screwed you over. The only thing you can do is move on and look out for you first. Even if she comes back begging for money. Hold firm and take care of you.

    • Nnb

      That’s too bad. I wish you luck in moving forward. Don’t give up!

    • Dee

      Yup, my parents did the exact same thing to me. I’m 21, just moved out a couple weeks ago. And let me tell you, it was the best thing I’ve ever done! I have more money than I did living with my parents.
      Long story short, I started working right out of high school. Academics weren’t for me, and I know many people who went to college and are working the same jobs as me. At least I don’t have debt to pay back.
      But I digress. Moving out on your own is overwhelming in general, but add on the stress of money. Rent, water, electric, internet, phone bill, groceries, car insurance.
      That’s the reason it took so long to move out, as I wanted enough money to cover ALL that the next few plus months when I first moved out, so I wasn’t so stressed.
      But nope, my mom made me pay half the rent, more than what my rent for my apartment costs now i.e. I pay 85 dollars for rent, and my mom charged me 200. No joke. I had to pay for ALL the food bought. I don’t know how many times I bought something with my money, shampoo, cereal, it was gone before I was even able to use it.
      I was already paying for my own cell, car, plus gas, but my mom doesn’t want a cell phone and made me help pay her landline that I DIDN’T use! She literally cost me most of the money I saved to move out to cover expenses for the next couple months.
      I even learned recently that she cashed college funds when I was growing up, so even if I wanted to go to college, I couldn’t. Savings bonds were also cashed.
      She has also stolen money from my that I got from working shitty part time jobs before my now current 10 hour job, plus all the money I got for graduation and birthdays. In total, she literally owes me about 7 thousand dollars.
      My dad’s not any better. He spends any money as soon as he sees it, doesn’t even ask. He just takes it, and he also buys shit nobody wants or uses.
      This vent has gone on long enough, but parents shouldn’t make kids pay for their shit when they have their own stuff to pay. I’m actually quite behind on my phone bill because of all the money she made me pay her to live at home.
      In fact, I actually seen her spend that money on fast food instead of rent or whatever she claimed I had to pay. It’s sad when you have more money living on your own, paying your own bills then you did when you lived with you parents who are supposed to support you.
      And then people wonder why kids have physiological damage, or why they want nothing to do with their parents and it’s automatically the child’s fault. I honestly feel for you, and I know exactly what you’re going through. I actually may just cut ties with my entire family because of money.

  • Adam

    You should never allow your kids to live with you past the age of 18 or after their high school graduation. You could give them the summer to get things figured out, but on the Labor Day following their graduation, they should be out of the house.

    It is SOOO easy to support yourself on nothing. There are tons of options. They could go in an apartment with friends. They could get a single dwelling apartment. They may have to sacrifice the comforts that they are used to (such as having their laundry done, or the big screen tv), but that’s life. They are not entitled to anything. Kicking them out sternly will better prepare them for future life and being a productive member of society. They may suffer in the beginning, but (if they don’t like suffering) they’ll figure it out pretty darn quick.

    As parents, you’ve done your job. You’ve raised them, fed them, housed them, educated them… for 18 years. Now they are adults. Time to get off the teat… PERIOD. Don’t charge them rent, cuz inevitably they will fall on hard time and won’t be able to pay it one month… and then what? Will you let it slide? Will you kick them out? You should have kicked them out in the beginning. Trust me, your life will be so much happier with them out of the house. In those golden years, parents (or grandparents) do not need that extra burden. They’ve done their time already.

    Kids are welcome to come back and visit any time they want… but not live there. Kick ’em outta the nest! Always love them and always be there for them with advice and emergencies, but kick ’em out! 🙂

    • vice2vursa .

      dude shut the fuck up

  • Kyle

    I grew up my whole life with the bare minimum and then the day I turned 18 my father demanded 200 a month. This isnt too unreasonable but after two months he decided to double it. When I lost my job he hammered down on me so hard. I got a job two days later and my dad lost his job. Moral of the story, if you charge your working 18 to 22 year old who stays out of trouble rent, your a huge chump

  • Brad

    I am fairly certain that life doesn’t pull punches. It is my responsibility as a parent to prepare my children for their future. Part of that includes taking accountability for themselves, even when conditions are not optimal. I disagree with the soft approach due to current economic conditions. That is an even playing field for everyone. Life doesn’t provide special considerations due to certain conditions. It can be a tough road sometimes, but the lessons learned and the experiences gained are what separate those who succeed and those who don’t.

    • Krystal Galaxia Void

      So if your kid is failing in life, unable to support themselves, down and out are you just going to send them to the streets? Because life is tough, and rough, people should all suffer and go through unnecessary lessons that don’t really teach you anything except you can’t count on your parents to save you even if they were able to be there, they decided not to be? Life and death doesn’t care or wait for anyone no matter who you are or how sad the story, and not everyone can be prepared for the worst, nor will we ever be. So as a parent knowing how horrible life could be , the question is shouldn’t you at least WANT to be there for your kids, while you are ABLE TO, and while you are alive and well, BE THERE because who knows what your kids will have to go through when you are gone, and if you are unable to be there..or if they die first, then you will never be able to be there EVER again..and no one can say that, for what or when..so why not help find there way, instead of push them out when they are down and out, let them learn how tough life is and possibly help send your children to the grave? I have seen that first hand, and sadly some parents COULD have been there to help prevent it, but they thought teaching HARD lessons were more valuable then there childs LIFE and well being. Not everyone is able to adapt to the harshness that the sick world will bring, and sometimes your kids need your help, and have no where to go, but how would you know that if you don’t care or know what your kid is dealing with mentally. I as a parent would help my kid find a way, and do whatever I could WHEN I COULD to try and make them independent and keep their minds healthy and HAPPY. Due to various circumstances, PLANNED or not, not just the bad economy we can’t always find our way, and sometimes we need help, so why should we be afraid to go to our parents, OR to realize they won’t be there to help us when we needed them the most? if no one else is left should we not feel we can go to our parents? IS THAT what you should teach your kids? that Life is cruel and no one cares about you, not even your parents, and whatever struggles you may go through, your on your own, tough love, whatever happens happens…Survival of the fittest, survive or die…. If ALL kids were capable then we would not have asked for help from our parents in the first place, or ended up BACK home..maybe if we were raised better from the start or if situations were better, we would be flourishing, not needing anything, and if needed we would be helping our parents…because if i had a lot, i would give a lot..if someone doesn’t have a lot, and they give all they can give then why is that meaningless? maybe some people didnt plan well or circumstances in life are bad..if you as the parent are able to be there for your kids to help them grow (even if they are adults) why would you allow your kid to suffer, then justify the means with no solution other than EAT SHIT? I personally would do anything to help my kid, if he needed it especially if i was able to, and i would do my best do guide them. One thing I hate is a parent that will kick you when you are down and out, treating you horribly for failing in life, instead of helping you get somewhere in life…then try to make you afraid or angry to even ask for help. Some kind of power trip thing I see. I see something wrong with that mentality. Then again that’s what I have had happen to me. It didn’t really help me get anywhere in life…When I had drive and ambition it was smashed down, and guess what that did, move my focus elsewhere, to strictly surviving, and when that becomes tough, you kind of fall apart…and well…that’s another long story…but..sometimes the right nurturing and guidance can very easily create successful people who are independent…not kicking someone when they are down, making them have to START from scratch when you could have helped BUILD them up..even with a little financial help…its one thing to understand and appreciate the value of money, but another to ignore the value and frailty of life, and think teaching lessons is more valuable then guiding someone on the right path…watch someone suffer and do nothing about it, especially your own kid is sadistic and just shows that if your kid survives and makes it, you are still a piece of shit, but good thing your kid was strong. Not all of them are.

      • guest

        So Krystal, what do you say when your young adult, 20 year old, who moved back home after leaving school tells you they hate you and don’t trust you and don’t want your help? He/she doesn’t trust you because they had issues and you got them help BUT they are mad because you talked to your parents for assistance. Even though everything that was said about not wanting help and not trusting you is similar to what teacher whom have seen him/her have said similar things to him/her. He/she has issues but refuses to seek help when offered by us multiple times. He/she treats us(including his/her sibling) with disrespect? We have and are willing to help but he/she does not take it that is fine and we told him/her that but to disrespect us by telling us he/she hates us and treats the whole family as if he/she is not a part of it, then why not start charging a little rent if he/she chooses to stay? He/she doesn’t realize the help that has been offered the past 7-8 months; has a car to drive with only pay a little insurance money, has a cell phone with only paying the data plan, food, housing, etc.. The only other thing asked of him/her is to help out with chores/responsibilities around the house and work, preferably full time hours (30-40) either via a full time job or a couple of part time jobs. At first he/she only worked part time (15-20 hours), until I talked to him about needing to work more. He/she got a second p/t job and was working more but still sitting around playing video games, sleeping in, watching TV, etc…. Then they get mad at you because you give him/her gift cards for clothes (which are needed for their jobs) and for food places he/she likes to eat at all because they wanted money or a gift card to a game store to buy a PS4. Not realistic. I feel he/she also despises us because we moved to a new area about 8 years ago because his mother finished her masters degree and could not find a job where we used to live.

        • Krystal Galaxia Void

          I don’t know both sides but you said he is working and holding 2 jobs so why does it matter if he plays video games, watches tv, or sleeps in on his free time? Do you want him to be completely miserable? What is his work schedule like? Working 2 jobs can be stressful, so you may want to take that into consideration. What are his future plans and goals? Have you discussed that with him, and helped him work out a plan, with out making him feel bad? Is he trying to save up to get his own place? If he is trying to save to move out, I think it’s wrong to charge rent, which would make it harder for him to get out. He says he doesn’t want your help, but help with what exactly? He is accepting help with you paying his phone bill? Is he still living there rent free? Does he do any household chores? Him getting mad about the gift card is childish. At the same time, that’s between you guys. You can get or not get any gift you choose. It’s a gift, and was the intent on making him happy, or helping him out? If he already has clothes, or would rather spend his money to buy clothes, and the PS4 is the same value as the gift cards, I could understand the frustration and irritation, because the value of the gift card is equivalent to the value of the PS4. So instead of helping him to get what he wanted, he may feel he has a “useless” gift card the same value of his ps4 that he wanted and now has to spend his own money when he didn’t have to..so he feels..unappreciative because the same value of money was spent, but it wasn’t want he wanted… (I wouldn’t know if the gift cards were the same value) but regardless..at the same time a gift is something given, and no one has to give what they don’t want to give… so that would be your call entirely. Also…Did he get you a gift?

          • Dee

            Months later and they still didn’t reply, meaning they don’t give a shit what happens to their kids. I’m 21, literally just moved out, and paying for all the bills and food myself is LESS stressful than it was living with my parents. They made me pay rent which was larger than the rent I pay now. My landlord is awesome, I literally only owe about 85 dollars a month. My mom charged me about 200, no joke. I’m behind on some bills due to the fact I couldn’t save because my parents kept asking for money, money, money. I get home late, cook a meal, wash the dishes and hang out on YouTube for a couple hours. But I get in trouble for being lazy, much like this mom does. I have limited amount of free time, I’d like to use the way I want to. Some parents need to get off their high horse, even more so that prices are more expensive than they were back in the day.

          • vice2vursa .

            85 dollars a month? WTF where do you live I want to move there lol

      • TheJerk

        Sounds more like a hypothetical rant than the real truth. Adult kids make their own choices and need to learn the hard way when they make bad ones. I’m sorry but I didn’t teach my kids to depend on other people. Life lessons are taught at a young age and so is manipulation.

      • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

        Yes Krystal!!!!!!!! lmao most parents are abusers honestly, it’s disgusting

      • George Rosales

        hi im George im 23 living with both my parents im currently unemployed i have a couple months to get a job or else ima get kicked out i guess they wana move in some where cheaper there selves im the middle child out 3 kids both my sister and brother were born here in the U.S. not me i was born in mexico i was brought here as baby i have no documents to work its difficult for me to hell a job without getting fired for same reason not having documents and both my parents are expecting me to pay rent when i sleep the living room i dont have my actual room which sucks im really trying get on my feet if could be financially stable i wouldnt mind helping but im not and they dont seem to get that stress me out i help around the house im not lazy i do what i can but still get talked down

    • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

      That’s called abuse.

  • Kolbi

    I, a 21 year old and my 23 year old brother both moved back in with our mother, after leasing our own house for a year. With us both going back to school and having to work less, we decided it was best to move in with our mom. She can afford all her bills, mortgage payments, etc. on her own, however she still charges rent. We pay $200/month, we pay for our own groceries, insurance for cars/medical, our own gas, car payments, etc. not to mention I have an 8month old daughter who I also completely provide for. In my case, my mom watches my daughter and I pay $200 (which is cheaper than rent and MUCH cheaper than daycare.)

    My mom is able to make double- triple mortgage payments every month for her condo, because of us helping money wise (even if she doesn’t NEED it.) it means that eventually this will be my brother and I’s property. So our “rent” has not gone to waste, where it would have otherwise been.

    • rosesroses

      You do not really know your mother’s financials, so hold back on comments about whether your mother “needs” your rent. Actually she does. You live there. You are also an adult living in someone’s home. You also do not know that the residence with be you and your brother’s property. Interesting that you made this point. I always find it amazing that some people somehow expect their parents to care for their children for little or nothing, house them free, feed them like its Thanksgiving and that it’s questionable when the parent expects payment in return. Parents do not provide and care for their healthy adult children for free.

  • Jace Tate

    i’m on disability, and i get charged rent. I care more that my old man drinks a twelve or two a day when my mom’s gone and has the attitude that he’s right about everything. I’m a total sociopath. Can imagine how f#cked up the world is, being in the top 20% grants middle class status and for the other 6 billion people the world’s sh#t. A total mind f#@k. And no I don’t know anything about greeks.

    • Jace Tate

      I’m a total fratelli.

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  • GP

    I divorced and got out of the military at the same time and myself and my son moved back in with my mom and grandma. My grandma was living on retirement and my mom wasn’t making much in her job. I never took advantage of them. I suppose we never really discussed, it was just expected that everyone in a household contributes to the greater good of the family. I lived there 8 months, but during those 8 months I helped buy groceries and contributed towards the increased use in utilities. I also helped with yard work, retiling the floor, repaired my grandma’s truck, and cleaned house. I tried to be as less of a burden as possible and was able to find a home that I could purchase within the means of my income. Fast forward 7 years, I’m temporarily moving back in with them while I find a house nearby to rent, be closer to work and sell my house, but we’re talking weeks here. But still, I’m helping out with chores and groceries, taking my grandma to medical appointments, and once again, I need to do some repairs on grandma’s truck. I only hope that my 12 year old pays attention to how I do things, because there will be no free ride. There will continue to be expectations under my roof. If you act like a child, be prepared to be treated like one. Free rides only enable children. I know because I’m actively seeing it happen to overwhelmingly most I know in this situation. Too much foot dragging. In my observations, adult children living at home or with other family are more likely to take advantage of the situation and tend to get worse about it the longer they are there. You fail as a parent if you let your child call your bluff and you cave to every excuse they provide, because believe me, they’ll bring it. I’ve had grown adults with children live with me before and there were expectations which they failed at such as me coming home to no meal when that person is home all day doing nothing, or me having to clean up the house after 6 people (3 adults, 2 teens, and 1 child), or them trashing the interior of my new vehicle. Once I became verbal about them not keeping up their end and criticizing how they spent their tax money on electronics, rather than buying a car to get to work and stop using my car; they decided it was time to move out so that the family relationship between siblings could be saved. They killed me on the utility costs which doubled. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping family out, but I really felt taken advantage of, and I have zero BS tolerance policy. Other family have tried it too and the second I feel taken advantage of, I cut the cord. 3 out of 3 family members have tried to take advantage of me. It’s tough to deny or kick out family, but my parents kicked my sister out once for throwing a party where a gun got stolen; the house was trashed, and they felt disrespected. She figured it out and did just fine. You really have to think about others when you burden them with your challenges.

    • Thanks for the comment, GP. It sounds like you are setting an excellent example for your son!

  • Lori

    So i should have let a grown adult bleed me for 3 years while she, her son, dog and cat ran up my bills and depreciated my home? No thanks! The miniscule amount of rent that I charged my daughter pretty much offset the cost of them living with my husband and me and allowed us to aquire a few nice things for the home.
    But this arrangement also benefitted my daughter because she was being treated as an adult and therefore no resentment grew from her being dependent on us like a child.
    You KNOW you would not charge your adult children rent? Do you have a crystal ball that can show you the future? Times are tough for the middle aged as well.

  • bonphone

    If they follow house rules and do chores, I can see not charging rent. Most adults children want to have over night quest, stay out late, party, make a mess and expect Mom to continue to be the maid, the cook, etc. For me, it was whole lot less stressful to charge rent and stay ouf of my adult child’s personal affairs. We were like roommates. If she didn’t come home, I was fine…just wanted a courtesy text, so I didn’t worry. Parents have spent a lot of time, money, and energy on their kids. They are grown now, and should take care of themselves. Many parents were a lot less fortunate. Kids today have cell phones, internet, cars, car insurance etc. They live well above their means and need to learn to cutback. You chose the loans…could have worked, used scholarships, cut expenses etc. No one gave me a handout. Went away to college at 17, used student loans, credit, learned a trade, joined the Army, and did an internship (which didn’t cover daycare expenses) . It took me 10 years, and I had $25k in loans. I’m independent, unlike my 3 other sisters, who my mom bought cars for, raised their kids, supplied housing, financial support, etc.

    • Sounds like you did an amazing job taking care of yourself! And it sounds like your agreement with your daughter is working well for both of you. Congrats on both fronts!

  • LoansLoomLA

    Melanie that is more than enough. Unfortunately my mother when I graduated gave me money to move out because she wanted me out as soon as possible. It was too soon to move out in my opinion and have since been living paycheck to paycheck and at times have had to defer my loans due to getting laid off or financial difficulty. I always have this fear that I’m not going to make ends meet and my 40k loan will forever loom over my head. I’m also at a point where my industry no longer hires people with only a bachelors and if people do get jobs, they get paid a take home salary of $2500-$3500. Unfortunately this doesn’t get too far in Los Angeles. The worst feeling is the panic that if something bad happens, I’m not sure where I can go. It’s important that children feel secure before leaving the nest or it can encourage poor decision making due to panic.

  • Ed

    This is ludicrous! Are you serious? I am sure your mom would have loved to have a free ride and not have any financial obligation to pay her own rent, mortgage or utilities either. The only exception would be if a kid is out of a job and not drawing unemployment for a period. Otherwise, they should pay something. My child is 25 and has been playing the sad little helpless single mom routine for over 5 years now. She claims to not make much at $22,000 a year and never saves a penny without ANY real bills! She still pays nothing and my wife and I nearly divorced over the stress she causes. My wife is constantly defending her. I think kids are completely selfish and are just trying to have their cake and eat it too when they do this. You want to be the boss of your kids and play mommy at “certain” times but are not responsible enough to live on your own. Everyone faces financial hardships, find a way to make it work. Go on welfare for a while until you get on your feet, look into section 8 housing. Do SOMETHING besides using your parents as a permanent meal ticket.

  • Compassion

    When I was going through my divorce around the age of 27 I moved home with my mother and step father. They didn’t charge me and I didn’t pay any rent. As I recall it was a tough time for me and my finaces. I did however move out as soon as I got on my feet, about 3-4 months top. My mom has since passed and I often feel a bit of guilt for not paying rent. I currently have kicked my 19 yo out. After months of not working or respecting my house enough was enough. We have a 21 living here but they work go to school and doesn’t add any extra burdens on us. We have a 18 that is here as well and seems he may be going to the military soon. I personally would allow our kids to live here as long as they wish rent free. 1. No extra people I.e. Lovers,spouses, or children. 2. No added cost to our lifestyle. I.e. Slamming doors to break casings or any act of damages. 3. No free loading. Jobs are a must and school is a plus it’s not an excuse to vegatate. 4. I also expect chores or atleast helping out. Maybe not cut grass every time but every other. If you cook you are cleared of dishes if you didn’t cook dishes are yours. Your mess is cleaned by you.

  • briefus

    This is easy. Charge Rent is a must, don’t let them know at the time, but put all their rent contributions into a newly opened bank account with their name on it. When they decide to make the move out, surprise with a nice sign-out bonus. Everyone’s happy.

    • mom77

      When they move out, you can opt to give them a GIFT – understand it is a gift not an entitlement.

  • Parent

    Most parents in our culture don’t charge rent and would love it if their children came back to live with them. Perhaps it’s reverse psychology because not a lot that I know of do 🙂 In any case, because of how I was brought up, I would agree with you, both on when to not charge and when to charge. I have already decided that if my daughter were to return (she hasn’t left yet), I would not charge, but if I were though, I would also save it up for her and give it back to her when she needed it, such as for a down payment or to repay a loan, or for something else, but we’d discuss it the goal before I turn the money over. I also agree that you should charge if you are being taken advantage of, but one should know his/her own child’s personality.

  • jaylah02

    I stay at my moms in the living room sheep 400 for rent no room I sleep on the floor then my sister pays $200 and she sleeps in the living room as well is it right.

  • Sheila Welhoelter

    Poor baby Ben. So your Mom charged you a whopping $200 for rent. I’m sure you lived with her because you couldn’t find a better deal in town. I have my daughter and son-in-law and their child living with us. They pay $300 a month. For that they get air conditioning/heat, Internet, 3 meals a day+ snacks, TV and laundry services and sometimes they remember to do their chores; they have purchased T25 and an iPad (paid cash wish I could afford that) They are saving to buy a home and he is attending grad school and I feel no guilt what-so-ever about charging rent or the fact that they have to take out loans for the grad school. It’s called life, growing up and accepting adult responsibilities. My job was to raise my daughter. We did that She’s a great gal love her and her husband to pieces and my little grandson. But I am not going to spend my every penny on their dreams and goals. Funny how I have a few of my own and I get up every morning and go to work pay my bills and NO ONE has offered me $300 a month rent + amenities. Grow up! When you accept the responsibilities of a family you can tell the rest of us how to continue to raise our adult children.

  • CC

    I’m pretty late to this discussion but I had my first job for over 4 years and having no children allowed me to work all the OT they offered. I was/am still living with my parents. (very fortunate) however I did have a car payment/insurance/gas, cell phone bill,and numerous hospital bills. So after all my bills were paid every month my priority was to save every penny I could. I opened a second account to have a small amount transferred to earn interest (to quickly save a fair amount for nursing school) I bought my own groceries,toiletries,clothes..you name it. I never once asked for a handout or expected anything. If I needed it I bought it. Unfortunately I was let go and unemployed for close to three months. Keep in mind I saved a pretty decent amount to sustain myself for a few months. I literally ate rice and beans and hardly left the house to save gas. My step dad after my job loss asked me to pay the electric bill, he said I could pay $200 and whatever is left he’ll pay. And that I should fight my unemployment because he needs help with his bills. I was BLOWN AWAY to say the least. I have my own bills to worry about with no income stream. I am grateful to have somewhere to live rent free but I busted my ass to save for school to earn a degree to be able to move out and live my own life. My other 2 sisters (step,so different grandparents) did nothing like that,both moved out right away and were always getting hand outs from my step dads parents. And yet he says I have to pay to help him. I can’t see his reasoning any way I look at it. In the few months I was unemployed my account came extremely close to $0 and my savings for school was gone. And that school money went to his electric bill. Ive been at my new job for 9 days and he already wants me to pick up the bill again. I just can’t help but think what if I didn’t live here,who would you bully to pay your bills then? I would love a place of my own but my money is tied up in bills and saving for school. Rant over,it is just so incredibly frustrating!!!

  • Amy

    I agree that the person who wrote this article is extremely selfish and self-centered. Paying rent only to have it returned to you is just like paying into your own retirement. Are you seriously whining, “Me, me, me,” without even seriously thinking about the fact that your parents already have done so much for you? I moved back in at 25 for financial reasons as well, and my family never asked for rent from me, but I actually love them (and not just myself, like some bloggers) and want to show them that I appreciate their generosity, so I pay them as much as I possibly can while staying on top of my other bills. It might be as low as $400 some months if I have an unexpected expense come up (car trouble, anything medical), but it’s usually $600, which is still cheaper than a studio here. Don’t forget, you were the one who chose a liberal arts degree, and you were the one who chose to fix your mistake with an expensive solution. No matter what petty psychological issues you can think of to trick yourself into thinking anyone owes you is nothing compared to the shxt parents put up with. Work hard. Work minimum wage if you have to. Yes, university professors gave us false hope by telling us to expect a certain amount of money upon graduation, but that’s life. I’m 26 now and I work for half of what I used to make in better times, but I do as much as I can and work my way into being given as many raises as possible. So far i have convinced them to give me two. Just fxcking work hard. Be a fxcking adult. No one’s asking you to be Superman, just don’t be so entitled.

  • Nnb

    At the VERY least, adult children living at home should be paying for extras (cosmetics, entertainment, cable, cell phone, etc) and doing chores, if nothing else. Responsibilities like doing chores should start in childhood, not when they move home after college and should be done weather or not they’re paying rent.
    The decision to charge rent probably depends on the family situation. If the parents need help financially, then of course rent should be charged. If the kid can more than afford to live on their own (but chooses not to, wants more disposable income, etc), then charge rent. And, if the kid is mooching off of and taking advantage of the parents, charge rent! If the kid is under/unemployed, but diligently looking for work, they help out, and the parents don’t need help, than it’s really up to you.

  • Ai Nahara

    Sadly i pay all the bills with a lazy fat ass for a father, I’ve been so tired how can i move out when i pay luxury bills for a lazy parent that paying for school and gas light water cable phone, and food and still have to give up more money while they sit on their ass and not work, I want to move out i hear them complaining about sleeping when i pull 80hrs and more and go to school, while they get to sleep and do no work . When they need money i have to go in my pocket s when they got tickets I had to go into my savings and fix it, been working since 15 I’m. 29 now and still they moan and groan about having to do dishes when i come in they expect me to do it, they haven’t been good at fixing the problems for my apartment, i have to fix their basement apartment, they supposedly let me stay in while they don’t do a thing to be parent. Landlords. How do i move out when i have no money paying 300-400light gas bill 365water bill 300 cable bill and they sleep eat and do nothing but want to throw the one time i go out in my face and expect me to do my younger siblings homework. Projects and take them to schiol or pick them up? This feels like abuse been doing this for years and they’ve. Been lazy want talk about how much a utility. Bill is when im taking care of their priorities i feel more like their slave then child. Taking all my money and still ungrateful, no i physically pay the bills work and try to put myself. Thru school and they still want more.

    • Hi, I’m really sorry to hear about that situation – it must be very frustrating for you. Is there any other living situation that you could use as an alternative? It sounds like your parents may not be open to compromise, but it might be worth trying to share some of these concerns with them in a calm an straightforward way and perhaps they might begin to understand your perspective. Either way, best of luck to you!

  • gozy3000

    I am in a similar situation, currently paying £260 pounds rent, however my parents have just told me they want to raise it to 500 almost double. my mum claimed it is to do with council tax cost. and housing charges. after research it is clear this isnt the case. i know they are struggling financially, but to make up a lie just to get more off me is upsetting.

    I am very restricted at home, sharing a room, reporting my every movement, not to mention lack of freedom in the house, theres a no boys allowed to cook rule in the house.

    For an extra 150 i can have independence, the whole point of moving home was for it to be a safe heaven to grow and stabilize myself. with the new rent increase there is no difference with renting out or staying home.
    Benefits are home cooked food

  • Nate

    On the whole, I disagree completely.

    In my experience, colleges are full of “worthless” degrees. Are they truly worthless? Of course not! What I mean to say is that some degree programs have markedly higher unemployment rates than others. Specifically, liberal arts, humanities, and arts have among the highest unemployment rates. On the other hand, science, engineering, computer sciences, and health degrees all have relatively high rates of employment.

    It is not your parents’ job to fund your post-secondary education, much less your post-graduate degree. In your article you lament that if only your mother had set aside the rent you paid her, how much less expensive grad school would have been. Unfortunately, it isn’t your mother’s job to make grad school more affordable for you. Why should she suffer (financially) so that you can live easier? Because she CAN afford to subsidize your life doesn’t mean that she SHOULD. The fact is: you chose an undergrad degree in a field of study that is notoriously unemployable without post-grad education. That isn’t your parent’s burden, it is your own. Simply put, we must all eventually be held accountable for our own actions and decisions. The fact that you are now trying to be responsible (by not going out, saving, etc…) is commendable, but it doesn’t shift your responsibility onto someone else. The present unemployment of recent grads isn’t the result of their current level of responsibility, it’s the result of the poor decisions they made 4, 5, or even 6 years ago. One thing I can assure you: the studious gal that graduated magna cum laude in biomedical sciences isn’t living with her parents right now. Why is that? What decisions/actions did she make (and when) that lead to her, more favorable, outcome and how did they differ from the unemployed graduate?

    And while I appreciate the attempt at compromise, suggesting that there be a rent-free grace period is fantastical, at best. Status quos are notoriously hard to break. It has been my considerable experience that rent will never get collected (I’m a CFP and deal with this failed mentality on a frequent basis). Once the grace period has expired, either the kids, the parents, or both will come up with some excuse to maintain the status quo. Maybe grad school bills are still coming in…. Maybe junior hasn’t found a job yet, but he’s trying REALLY hard…. Maybe it’s this darn recession’s fault (fyi: the recession didn’t make your kid major in basket weaving). Statistically speaking, for the vast majority of your readers, proposing a grace period will only lead to heartache and tension amongst the parties involved. Not to mention, this whole compromise argument is equivalent to a bum walking up to you and demanding $10. When you say “no”, and he then demands only $5, is that really a compromise? Why does he DESERVE any money?

    Answer me this: if you, as a recent grad, went to your (non-parental) landlord and asked that he/she forgo charging you rent because it would really help you out, what do you think the response would be? Would you get a different response if you showed him how responsible you were being lately? So why is the situation with your parents any different? Oh that’s right, because you can prey upon their love and affection for the product of their loins. Well, I guess that makes it okay, then. Or not.

    If you truly want to help families, instead of putting forth paltry arguments as to why parents should continue supporting their children at the expense of their own retirement, write about the importance of choosing a field of study that has a high likelihood of employment. A recent survey by Glassdoor revealed that 48% of college graduates do not believe their degree is relevant to their current employ. Then why did they spend the money?

    Or write an article on the premise that college isn’t for everyone! We seem to have forgotten that fact. The US Dept. of Education reports that 40% of freshman will not graduate within 6 years of starting college. From a purely financial perspective, that’s a lot of money wasted.

    Or better yet, write an article extoling the virtues of trade schools. Did you also know that there is severe underemployment in some of the highly technical fields of robotics and the like…?

    Better luck on your next piece.

  • csmith

    Great concept and I wish I had the extra money for living expenses to be able to feed and house my son and his new wife. However, if parents are barely making themselves there is no other way than to ask for some rent money. I do wish all people could live as you say but apparently you have not experienced life on the other side of the tracks. Though I am sure you meant well. It makes me wonder how you got your blinders. Was it lack of life skills or perhaps thi king all people have the luxury you had. No offence but I find your article clearly lacking and weak.

  • GetAClueOr2

    I think this is all fascinating. The article and the comments. Here’s the rub: If you are 18, your parents don’t owe you anything! I’m male, I raised my 2 kids all by my lonesome while the ex partied. After they were grown, I raised 3 step kids. Their mother became disabled so I took care of the kids and her. I provided all the money (mother couldn’t work and father lived with his mother rent free for the last 20 years), did all the cooking, all the cleaning. The last step child turned 18 seven months ago, graduated high school, has been working for a couple of years. I’m now collecting a small pension, barely making it, can pay all my monthly bills and have 30 a month left over. He never offered to help with any chores, never offered to help with any expenses, eats out every day. I asked him for 100 a month to help cover his expenses last night. He thought that was a rip off and started looking for friends parents that will provide him dinners every night and a free place to live. I told him to get the F out. Screw all you entitled little bitches that think your parents stuff and their money is yours by proxy, it’s not

    You parents that feel guilty asking for rent, DON’T feel guilty. Everybody can contribute something. I read in the comments about somebody feeling all good about themselves because they don’t pay rent but pay their own car payment, gym membership, insurance etc. Seriously??? It makes it sound like you want to be patted on the back because you are paying for these things to help your parents out. Selfish selfish, selfish.

  • Connie Perry

    I have a adult son who is 23, and the only time he comes home is when he is out of options (mostly bouncing from house to house) We have bent over backwards trying to help him but he offers no help what so ever. We bought our house 2 weeks ago and we asked/begged him to help because our carpenter was giving us a really good deal as long as we did most of the footwork. My husband has a heart condition, and is on blood thinners etc. My son came home and complained about helping, stating “his” life should come first. (no matter what we have done for him) tonight he states we don’t do anything for him….When he is with us he has never paid us rent, we bought his cigs, soda, paid all the bills (my oldest pays a lot of them) but he acts like the most ungrateful brat I have ever seen. Tonight I put my foot down and told him enough was enough we were not doing it anymore, he threatened ME to move out, I said “fine” then he asked me if I was crazy?? I used to defend him to the rest of our family, so much so my husband and I almost divorced a few times, but I am at witz end with him. I say charge rent, if they are old enough to work and get a job 150.00 to 200.00 isn’t bad. (I paid that to my own mom over 20 years ago.) (and I was only getting 400 a month with 2 kids.) if you are in college, you still should help out with bills/rent. Parents shouldn’t have to support adult kids. When you get older, kids are supposed to take care of their parents. it’s the way it should be. (sorry so long but frustration went in this too 🙂


    • guest

      I work full-time for one of my parents. Instead of living at my parents’ house, I live in an apartment because I wanted the independence and privacy of living somewhere else on my own. Also I didn’t want to live at home under my parents’ rules or anyone’s rules for that matter if I didn’t need to, especially if I work for one of my parents. I know two people who are related to me who also work at the same company as me. However, they live at my parents’ house, they live rent free, and they have NO expenses whatsoever other than their basic personal stuff. They could have shared a two bedroom apartment and lived together. They really don’t need to live at my parents’ house. Of course, they pay for their own clothes, cell phone, and toothpaste. But they don’t pay for any of the housing expenses whatsoever. The two people related to me who live there don’t pay any rent. They don’t pay utilities, not even the cable bill. They don’t even do any of the chores, because there are maids who clean the house a couple times a month. I wanted to be more independent but honestly, it does seem kind of unfair sometimes because I work more hours than them and I work harder than them but they have absolutely no expenses living under someone else’s roof. I felt that I did the right thing in moving out, but you see people who really don’t need to live at someone else’s house but live their rent free anyway, while I am the one paying living expenses at my apartment. I would understand if someone fell under hard times and absolutely needed to stay there. But they both have jobs. Sometimes, I wonder if it is even worth trying to become independent when you look around and see people who have have jobs but try to mooch. 🙁

  • RamFM

    Apparently you were upset by the $200 a month your mom charged you. Was she a struggling single parent? Well off financially? $200 a month is a great sum for utilities or food, if one is not in the high income bracket. And it is also a valuable tool to teach reality to a young adult. It’s sad that there is not enough appreciation for the allowance of a young adult to move back in (parents certainly don’ t have to), instead of forcing sink or swim. Reality – adult life brings with it very real living expenses, that are not parental or grandparental responsibility. There are added expenses that come with an additional body residing in a home and that $6000 probably didn’t offset the full weight of additional costs. My dad tells me about going to school full time to get top grades in order to be accepted to law school, working full time and supporting a family. I appreciate what he’s taught me about real life. I didn’t get any handouts from my family and I paid rent when I moved back in at the age of 21, even though I was responsible, working full time and paying my own debts. To my younger siblings, it was good for them to see me carrying the weight of adult responsibilities. I did not receive much more help than that from my parents and today, my spouse & I are housing both our college students, without rent. But if they moved out & then moved back in after graduating, they most certainly will pay rent. Student loans or not. And it most certainly isn’t our responsibility to fund their education. Generations before us have funded their own. We may choose to and housing them for free is funding them in it’s own right (on campus housing is $8-$10,000/year). But if we choose to recoup a portion of the expense of them living off of our hard earned dollars, they should appreciate the help rather then growing up to be adults who are bitter that we didn’t do more or pay more for THEIR education.

  • norm

    Room for rent in a 4br house. You get your own bathroom too. Rent is taking out the trash, moving the trash bins on trash day, feeding the dogs for the evening meal, keeping your room picked up, do your own laundry, clean your own bathroom,put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and unload it whenever the cycle is complete. I’ll pay all the bills, cook, clean up after dinner, an fees the dogs in the morning. Every other week the housekeeper will do all the heavy cleaning. Sound like a good deal? Otherwise you can pay me 600 mo and I’ll do everything except your room and your laundry.

  • Megan

    I am a 23yr old adult child, working full time, paying for my college and paying my own bills. My mom charges me $200 a month. Although at first it seems like this price is so little, I am literally scraping to survive and barely making it. Between paying my own health bills, my dog’s vet bills (was her dog before she decided she didn’t want him and gave the puppy to me), education price and supplies for that education as well as my phone and gas every week, I can’t save a penny to even move out. On top of that she is demanding back-pay for the month I couldn’t pay because I helped contribute to my father’s funeral expenses. When I got sick this week and had to fork out $300 on my medical expenses, she told me that she doesn’t care and that I am irresponsible before demanding her money. I don’t even eat any of her food, I pay for all my own things and there is no water bill because the house is on a well. I’m literally only paying $200 to use a bed and she is not by any means poor or struggling to get by (Dad left her a lot and he was not poor). I can’t even find an apartment because I have no money saved trying to pay her every month. If I could save that $200 for just three months I could move out, but I can’t and trying to say my piece only ends with her claiming she is teaching me how to be responsible. If I gave her my last $20 that she wants, I won’t even be able to pay for gas to get to work thursday and friday. I’m fine with not eating till friday, but I can’t walk 22 miles the way to work without being hit by a car where I live.

    • Hi Megan, it sounds like you’re going above and beyond to make things work financially and yet your mother does not appreciate anything you are doing nor understand how much you’re struggling financially. That’s really a shame, and you have a right to be frustrated with her. Perhaps if you ask her to sit down and talk about it and explain how hard you’re working to make ends meet, she might understand better. You could even ask her if she’d be willing to put your $200 rent payments into a savings account or retirement fund for you to take advantage of later on (or to help you get a place of your own). Of course, if her previous response is any indication, it sounds like she won’t be very receptive. But it might be worth a try. Either way, I wish you the best of luck!

  • fed up with the bullshit

    Hello I am a single mom of five children my life hasnt been the greatest at the same time I bend over backwards for them I have a 19 year old son ok he works np in a ged program ok and hes collecting money from welfare etc and applied for ssi do to a biopolar disorder ok and he gets all this money and buys all this new shit and doesnt help out I told him he has to go hes very disrespectful doesnt pay for nothn I have to fight and cuse to get money from him to help out he very selfish and I told him I have a fixed income he makes more money than me from the job and collecting from the program and im like u make enuff to get ur own he said to me get a job hello this is my house u get out and get ur own 19 talkn to me his mother after all ive done for him I want him out I put a roof over his head he eats my food etc I m ready to call the police and have them escort him out and he canot come back im fed up and hes not build for this worldcause he wants to do what eva once he wasbremoved from my home for a year because of his nasty attitude im done teenages need to understand theres no place like home I was out of my moms house by 19 had my career and my own apartment im done any suggestions bout to snap

    • That sounds like a really tough situation. I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure you love your son and want the best for him but it sounds like he’s not taking your needs into account. Perhaps scheduling a time to sit down with him so you can explain to him what you’ll need from him if he is going to continue living with you would help. Best of luck to you!

  • Rachel Jackson

    I really think that as a parent, you just have you know your kids AND know what you can actually afford.

    My parents know that I’m responsible, that I save my money, and that I will contribute to the household in other ways (buy groceries, pay vet bills for dogs, etc.) and I pay for my own personal effects and bills. Could I pay rent to live at home? Sure. Should they charge me rent? Probably. I mean, the bottom line is that there is an adult, able-bodied person in the household – someone else using water, electricity, eating food, etc. Resources are being utilized and not paid for, so there is a hit to my parents for me living there. But, my parents would much rather have me save my money to use towards my own apartment, student loans, car payment, etc. than take it from me. Plus, they feel like that would end up giving the money back to me in the form of water, electricity, food, etc. that use. It’s just a situation that works for us.

    Overall, I think that adult children living at home should contribute financially in SOME way (cleaning and cooking meals does not count as a contribution – you live there, you should do that anyway); even if it just to pay the water bill or electricity or something. Even if your parents don’t ask you to pay for anything or tell you NOT to contribute, I think you should do it anyway. It shows a level of respect for your parents and their household and demonstrates your level of wherewithal and responsibility (especially if you have a bad track record with your parents).

  • what do you think?

    okay this goes out to all the parents because i am a adult child who believes that what is being done to me is wrong. Me and my husband had lost our home about 5 months ago.I am going to college as he is working and taking classes online. My mother and step father was the only one we knew to turn to due to everyone else living out of town. As soon as we moved in we automatically had to pay them $450. I understood that there were bills to pay but i felt like it was unfair because our responsibility over their home kept growing. For instance, they would get up bright and early to go do what they do and wake me up and tell me to clean the house up. And this was constantly. If i left them one thing to do they threw a fit. My car had recently messed up around that time which i had bought myself. It was my first car. My parents sold cars. so i figured id buy a cheap vehicle off of them. I then ended up paying $3000 to them for a truck and still owe them and paying a little at a time , plus they took my older car, and traded it for them a motorcycle, because i owed them $500 on the truck. That car could have been used to catch me and my husband back up to pay them off and maybe find a small apartment. But they didn’t see it that way. Me and my husband found a perfect little apartment that would be perfect til we get back on our feet. But every-time we try to move out i get into it with my mother about her bills and how they have to be payed so we end up paying what she throws us with and then only have 100 or so left. which isn’t enough to move out lol. I completely understand that bills have to payed and no one should live for free, but when your parents bills is putting u between a rock and a hard place and they don’t see it that way? what am i supposed to do? All she wants to do is argue with me when i try and talk to her about it. And when she gets angry with me she takes my vehicle and my room like we are kids… I don’t think im being treated fairly and i believe that the parents need to put their selves in their kids shoes before they throw rent on them. How would you feel if your parents did this to you? As far as i recall my mother lived on my grandmother for quite sometime with me and never did a thing. In fact i hardly ever was with my mom as a child, my grand mother took care of me, but still my mom tells me that i owe her for her taking care of me? That is ignorant, selfish, and I AM THE ONE BEING TOOK EN ADVANTAGE OF.

    • what do you think?

      also another thing if forgot to mention is that we bring in grocery’s to the home, and buy things like dish detergent. i think last months my mother made us buy her personal items, which was uncalled for its one thing to help around the house its another when i have to buy your personal items, when you have the money to buy them.

    • I’m sorry to hear about this! It sounds like a very frustrating situation. It doesn’t sound like your mother appreciates the challenges you’re facing. And it’s too bad she’s not willing to talk it through. Would it be possible to start saving up some money in a bank account and call it your “moving out” fund? You could add a little to it every month and maybe even work extra hours to make more money to add to it, and then perhaps after 6-12 months you’d have enough to pay what you owe your mother and move into a new apartment? I know it’s easier said than done, but hopefully it can help! Best of luck to you.

  • lux8x

    My sister lives rent free at a house my parents own, even though she has a job with a livable income. She has been living there for a year already, and with no apparent desire of moving out. My parents also pay for her bills.

    I never got to live rent free, and I think it´s kind of an unfair situation. She also wastes a lot of money dining out, buying clothes and on other expensive hobbies.

    I have been keeping this to myself, but I guess I’m kind of right that this is not a particularly good situation, especially considering I never got such privileges when I was starting.


    • Hi, that’s a tough one. I can see how you would be annoyed that she is getting a ‘free ride’ when you had to work for what you have. Perhaps the best option is to take the high road and just ignore it and let go of any thoughts about how unfair it is. After all, it doesn’t sound like they have any desire to change the situation. Best of luck to you!

  • anne

    im a disabled single mom of two boys with no child support either. I make 976 a month and my parents take 500 of it. I want to scream. they think its reasonable I think its abuse. I spend every waking moment wondering how my kids are going to be feed and clothed. I know if my child becomes disabled with kids someday I would starve to death before taking from him and his kids.

  • anne

    after reading more post I thought I should say I take no food,shampoo,misc from them. I buy them food every month 100 worth on top 500 cash.

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  • remarkable

    I lived at home after college and my mother (not my father) wanted to charge me rent. I was a decent kid, unlike my older brothers. I did work around the house and picked up after myself. Did chores and helped out voluntarily. I commuted in to NY and had a good job. My mom insisted I pay rent, which I resented especially since one of my older brothers (one of the not so good kids) mooched off of my folks for years and never paid rent. In the end it was a good thing. I decided to get out if there as fast as I could. I think I paid 3 months rent then found a place if my own and never looked back. It wasn’t easy at first, but I became more responsible much faster and gained my independence. I didn’t want to pay her rent and adhere to her rules. I think my dad was sad to see me go. It still bugs me to this day though, probably because my spoiled younger brother still lives at home and never paid rent. He’s in his late 40’s now. Total momma’s boy. But that’s a whole other story. In the end I’m glad things worked out as well as they did for me. As far as my own son, he is a good kid and if he needs to live with us after college until he gets his feet on the ground, We would not charge him rent. We would also not allow him to live here into his late 40’s. But that’s a story for another post. LOL

  • outofstate

    My MIL never ever charged her daughters rent. She has two daughters over 50, as well as their children and now GRANDCHILDREN living there. She cooks, she cleans, and FIL will never retire….they can’t afford it. It’s a sad situation with now three generations of people who cant even support themselves (only FIL works, everyone else has excuses).

  • Dave Connell

    Charging your child rent is bad family values which is why Nazi America lacks values in family and culturally compared to other countries where they do not charge their own child to live with them.

    Even though they live in the US, they do not charge their child rent to live with them but the family looks out to help each other. One reason why Nazi America has dramatically declined in their value systems.

  • Jake

    What a selfish person you are. Your mom should’ve saved your rent payments and given them back to you? She should encourage and support your being stuck in adolescence? Obviously you don’t have children, let alone adult children. Why not write about something you know about so you can really help others, like suggesting that young people don’t choose degrees that have zero marketability.

  • youallspeakgarbage

    My mom charges me 200 rent. I make maybe $1000 a month on a good month. I pay 60 for car insurance 40 for cell phone. 200 a month for a fine, and the rest goes to food and gas and other random stuff… She stacks money and got 2 condos we rent out that she got out of the divorce with my dad, and she claims to live paycheck to paycheck, but I’ve seen her account numbers and they arn’t $10.00 in the savings like me and my little bros…and she claims me dependent even though she needs me and my little bro to pay her rent to “keep this operation going” so shes dependent on us is how I see it. Anyways i told the tax lady who did my taxes my mom claims me I’m 23 and I pay her (24 this year woo hoo) so i got NOTHING on my tax return… she doesn’t need ot charge me or my little brother shes just a penny pincher who buys the worst 99 cent store groceries won’t buy flea drops for the dog because they are expensive (and she has no money lies! LIES LIES!!!) and lies about how she doesn’t have a dime, and she wants to raise the rent to 300! i know some of you might think this is all ok but its not, in my position…i can’t wait to escape her jowels. no one i know pays their parents rent.

  • Justamom

    I am recently separated. I have to pay a lawyer $3250 to solve legal issues. I only receive $1440 per month. My soon to be ex has everything, car, house, etc. I am at my parents mercy. I have no savings as I just had to open my own bank account separate from my husband’s. My parents have saved money their entire life, have saved quite a bit, they live very comfortably, retired comfortably. While I am scrambling to pay for preschool that they INSIST my child go to (but won’t pay for), legal issues, and medication, my father wants $350 per month for rent. I’ve offered to work off the rent, but he refuses. He has money for the rest of his life, I have $300 left over a month to save for a car, apartment, school- future. A word to the wise: if you’d like to continue a relationship with children/grandchildren after living with them, be reasonable and compassionate.

  • Jessica

    This friends, is why I have chosen to never have children. Their an incredible financial burden for five to ten years (or more) past their 18th birthday. On top of that there’s no guaruntee they’ll take care of you in your old age. Doesn’t seem worth it to me.

  • Boe

    I am from the very old school, out the door when you are 18, if you ever come back, bring a lot of money, college is on your own. I took care of you for 18 years, and I know you will never take care of me that long. So I have already planed and saved for me and Mama. There is no such thing of being without a job. Most peoples problem is they have no will to work. Amen Note get rid of the cell phones, cars and all the blings. Don’t live like people tell you to live in ads, live like you need to live. Two words, work and logic. Work to make money and use logic to spend it. Nothing else counts, except the Good Lord and paying yourself first.

  • Grace Ann Bates

    I’m an eighteen year old, I dropped from college due to not being able to take the stress (my parents understood). However they are giving me one month (until end of the semester) before I have to pay rent. That’s a lot. I have a car payment, which takes up half of my earned money at the end of each month. I’m currently working on getting my job from part time to full time however with the economy im not sure I’ll be able to achieve the full full time hours. The rent hasn’t been fully discussed yet, however, I am told it will include: my room, phone bill (or part of it), food(which I’ve already decided I’m buying my own and not paying that part), oh and some money towards electric.
    I wouldn’t mind paying rent for all of that…. except food. I’m not paying them for food when I don’t know if my money is going to go towards what I want. The other thing is, my mother is currently only working half the year(mainly in the fall) and then doesn’t work the rest of the year. My dad has the full time job everyday. I’m making more than my mother at the moment, and I have to pay rent.

    Don’t take me the wrong way, I guess I’m still bitter about the fact of not having a strong chance of saving my money before I have to hand everything over to my parents. I’m actually very good with my money. Everything goes to the bank, car payment is paid on time. And I only buy candy or hair ties once or twice a month. Oh and maybe I go out with my girlfriends once a money, but other than that I try to save what I can….

    I’m for the whole rent thing, except for the fact that I’m only just getting on my feet and that this whole eent thing is going to strap me for cash and I’m going to be stuck at home for longer than I want to be.

  • Charging someone sends a bad message, if they work and a big chunk of what they make never even stays with them it gets handed to you then you have to fork it over to your parents, well thats just straight up bullshit.

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  • Dee

    I’m 21, just moved out a couple weeks ago. And let me tell you, it was the best thing I’ve ever done! I have more money than I did living with my parents.
    Long story short, I started working right out of high school. Academics weren’t for me, and I know many people who went to college and are working the same jobs as me. At least I don’t have debt to pay back.
    But I digress. Moving out on your own is overwhelming in general, but add on the stress of money. Rent, water, electric, internet, phone bill, groceries, car insurance.
    That’s the reason it took so long to move out, as I wanted enough money to cover ALL that the next few plus months when I first moved out, so I wasn’t so stressed.
    But nope, my mom made me pay half the rent, more than what my rent for my apartment costs now. I had to pay for ALL the food bought. I don’t know how many times I bought something with my money, shampoo, cereal, it was gone before I was even able to use it.
    I was already paying for my own cell, but my mom doesn’t want a cell phone and made me help pay her landline that I DIDN’T use! She literally cost me most of the money I saved to move out to cover expenses for the next couple months.
    I even learned recently that she cashed college funds when I was growing up, so even if I wanted to go to college, I couldn’t. Savings bonds were also cashed.
    She has also stolen money from my that I got from working shitty part time jobs through high school, plus all the money I got for graduation and birthdays. In total, she literally owes me about 7 thousand dollars.
    My dad’s not any better. He spends any money as soon as he sees it, doesn’t even. He just takes it, and he also buys shit nobody wants are uses.
    This vent has gone on long enough, but parents shouldn’t make kids pay for their shit when they have their own stuff to pay. I’m actually quite behind on my phone bill because of all the money she made me pay her to live at home.
    In fact, I actually seen her spend that money on fast food instead of rent or whatever she claimed I had to pay. It’s sad when you have more money living on your own, paying our own bills then you did when you lived with you parents who are supposed to support you.
    And then people wonder why kids have physiological damage, or why they want nothing to do with their parents and it’s automatically the child’s fault.

  • Spunkie

    Delusional is what I have to say. Teaching your child absolutely NOTHING by not having them PAY you some sort of rent.GET REAL. How are they ever going to learn responsibility.

  • Sandy

    Perhaps money was tight for your mother as well. Adult children should not expect their parents to support them. As a parent, I don’t mind providing occasional assistance and I remember my own parents doing the same for me during hard times. I appreciated their generosity during tough times, but I certainly didn’t expect them to provide free room and board. Your complaints of financial hardship because your mother charged you $200 a month sounds like a very selfish and petulant child.

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  • thinkofthefuturelearnfromthepa

    I don’t quite understand this reasoning. I am in my thirties, from a large family and I paid rent as soon as I began working at age 17. It was not a problem for me, in fact I didn’t even think twice about doing it. It was not a requirement from my parents(I believe it should have been), yet I did it anyway. I understood that learning to support oneself is simply a part of growing up, I also understood that my parents had their own financial needs. It would never have occurred to me to expect them to pay my bills, buy my car or pay for my schooling. My parents were kind to me of course, my mom would drive me to and from work. I appreciated the fact that she did so and in turn I would offer her money for gas. Sometimes she accepted, sometimes she didn’t. Still, I offered. I saved money (it took time)for my own car. I didn’t expect a nice car. I bought a little used car that was good on gas and cheap to insure. It took me two years to save enough for that car. I did not have a cell phone (all of my friends did) and I paid for my own drivers ed and insurance. I have a lot of siblings and most of them did not feel the same way I did. By my parents not setting a rent requirement for those siblings (or much of any real requirements really), those siblings never learned to manage their money or even truly fend for themselves. I am one of 2 children (out of 7) who has any financial stability. I truly believe it shows a selfish attitude if children do not also think of their parents financial needs. When my parents needed physical care, guess which children stepped up to care for them? You got it! The ones who had also shown a loving attitude toward them financially in years before. Guess who raises their own children instead of dumping them off at grandma and granddads? Right again! The exact same ones. Why should a selfish attitude be rewarded by financial support into adulthood? Why should it be taught? Parents who do not set financial requirements for their kids are doing both themselves and their children(and grandchildren) a great disservice.

  • Manny

    My parent just sat me down and told me they want me to contribute to the household expenses. I am 27 and moved back home 12 months ago. I had no job and started my own business. i am 1 year in and earning some money but not enough yet. I earn around $2000 per month. I pay for all my food, car etc. So the additional expense for them is only utilities. They are not poor or in a financial bind but feel i should be paying them money. They want $1000 per month which annoys the hell out of me. I am not a spender and have managed to save $10,000 in the last 12 months from the business out of about $16,000. I feel as i am getting on my feet and working harder they want to be in a worse position. Also my dad owes me $3,500 from a old debt and i saying he will start charging $1000 next month and instead of paying me back, i can just wipe of the debt for 3.5 months and then start paying him $1,000. Essentially absolving him of the debt by charging me to live there and giving me 3.5 months free. This is pissing me off and i am thinking about moving out and trying to find my way on my own. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Anthony Sterling

    Why wouldn’t you charge an adult rent? Sure some people come upon hard times and don’t have the capability of being employed but they should be a far off exception, not the rule. People do what they must, and they may not like it but that’s what creates a successful person. We, as a people, have become so entitled. Everyone believes that they should be able to sustain the same life they had as a child in they’re parents house. You go to college or get a job and expect the “American Dream” To manifest itself. I think that you do more damage by lessening the stress of living with your parents. It’s the classic “boiling a frog” situation.

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  • disqus_HdzEtsH9aL

    If my mum charged me rent I would literally fucking kill myself. Not finding a job and gaining independence is already humiliating enough, but when your parents have decided that because you’re an adult they no longer want to support you it’s just like… why the fuck did you have me then? I didn’t ask to be born and I didn’t ask to be treated like I’m a piece of shit because I’m not financially beneficial to you.

    tbh I think parents who charge their children rent just do not love or care about their children.

  • Abigail Echevarria

    I am a young mother of a baby girl and expecting my second Child very soon 3 years I lived with a woman as a foster child when I got close to being an adult I decided to sign myself out of the dyfs program and live on my own as year’s went by I had ups and downs but still was able to keep a roof over my head then I started a family in September of 2014 I kept in touch with my foster parent because we had a okay relationship together around the time my daughter got Christian she was present and I picked her to be my daughter’s godmother so much was happening that I could not deal with with my daughter’s father at the time and my daughter’s godmother I guess noticed it one day I spoke with her we talked over the phone alot and came out and told her how badly I was being treated how I was staying in one of his old apartment’s since my daughter was born how he doesn’t help my with the baby he didn’t live there he never gave me money to take care of my daughter or money for food I couldn’t find work I was pretty much slaved depending on him growing up was hard for me both my parents left me when I was born so I pretty much had and have no support so dealing with situations has always been tough for me so one day bi was on the phone with my daughter’s god mother we we’re talking and she came out and afford to help me and said if you want me to help you I will I did not know what to say so I said I will put my trust in her and said okay I was living in Philadelphia I wanted to get away from my daughter’s father and I wanted to move back to new jersey so I had to apply for assistance at welfare out there because I had nothing no money or food but my daughter was getting wic so I was happy about that I did apply it took awhile to get my assistance I got it and still am getting it she afford to let me stay with her so I could get my assistance I had no clue on what to expect because back then we had our ups and downs but me and my daughter did end up staying with her that weekend she came and got me and my daughter and all of our things we had with us because she was afraid that once my daughter’s father found out I went to welfare he would put us out because he didn’t want me to put my daughter or myself on welfare so I agreed I left that week things went okay in her home we we’re only there for a few days then it turned into about weeks of half the month of April I was not sure if I had to pay her or not but I always helped her that just who I am helpful and nice to other I applied for assistance in the middle of April 2015 during that time I still in Philadelphia I didn’t fully come stay with my daughter’s godmother until that weekend of that same week I applied for assistance as I explained in the beginning I didn’t receive my assistance yet because they kept messing up with my case I got food stamps in the middle of April so around in may my daughter’s god mother came to me to talk to me and said here is the deal I am charging you to stay here $350 a month in rent you just pay me in food stamps for right now until you get the cash how can that be possible I didn’t understand because I was only getting food stamps that is just for food I was never told this before I came to her because she had it like you can stay with me until you get on your feet it broke me down because I was only getting food stamps that was for me and my daughter and I had to give it to her So half the month of April I only got half my food stamps I had no choice but to give it to her then may came around and I got what I was supposed to get total monthly I had to give her that too my food stamps she putting food in her house to feed her self her 21 year old son and 3 year old son and I pretty much get nothing and had to eat when they did and whenever I was hungry I would go eat and she would have a fit if it’s all gone when I hardly eat up something because I know others what some of what is there you have a grown boy living with you that eats to i cried behind closed doors because at one point I had nothing no food or money i was struggling when I was in Philadelphia dealing with my daughter’s father and when I finally was getting some help for myself and my daughter it was being taken from me same with my cash she took once I got it she kept adding up money I so called was owing her through the months and I was only with her for a few days I had to give her $658.00 both half in food stamps and cash in rent she claimed at the time I really had nothing I was still waiting for my assistance to come through I amnnor receiving alot from welfare in food stamps or cash they don’t give very much to begin with I had no job so welfare assistance was all I could get until I found work and got back on my feet it’s been going on like this for 4 months she is taken both my food stamps and cash and leaving me with barely anything I can barely eat and I am pregnant right now with my second child so have to eat but barely can so work for me is on hold do to my pregnancy I can barely buy my daughter her needs I have scratch from what I barely have to buy her clothes, shoe’s, and diapers I can’t even throw my daughter her first birthday party it just breaks my heart and I am under so much stress she is falsely charging me money that I do not have to pay her out of my welfare assistance that is not alot that is mine for my daughter and myself she is not a landlord or someone renting out rooms I know this because I have rented rooms before in the past and I always had proof of documents and how much I was to pay weekly or monthly depending on how it is arranged she is a foster parent me and my daughter stay in her licensed same client room that I am so called paying rent for that holds two kids she has income coming in there is no proof of documents no pay stubs saying what I have to pay her monthly in room rent I honestly don’t know what to do its like I am helping her take care of her family and pay her bills and I get nothing out of it and she makes a good living for what she does as a foster parent and another job she does I feel that I am being taken advantage of I have gone to welfare and told them what is going on they said if she has no proof of documents or has anything in writing that I have to pay her that clearly I don’t have to pay her I even tried apply for emergency assistance they claim that they can not help because my situation is not an emergency but to me it is I tried telling her i do bot have to pay you she yelled and argued me down wanted me out and refused to give me my assistance card because she claimed I owed her money but I did get a new card and canceled the old card and I have it in my care but yet I am still here she never got rid of me I try to be positive and stick it out for the sake of my daughter and my unborn baby and myself because I don’t want to see us homeless on the streets but if I don’t do as she say we will be on the streets I am pretty much caved in and feel like I have no way out please someone help me on what I can do and what I should do I have tried everything I could think of to make it work.

  • 90david

    parents think about this you are getting older if you mistreat your kids it may and i hope it does bite you in your ass when you need something

  • Carlos

    I have supported most of my family since Feb of 2008. They all (4adult siblings, parents & youngest sibling) lived in my house essentially rent free for the first 5 years. I was paying rent at a different location (on top of my mortgage) since there was no way for me to have my own private room. I told all siblings to take advantage of the opportunity afforded to them to pay off debts, go to school, and save some money; during the first 5years of their occupation of my home. I simply asked them to lookout & help each other.

    After being dissatisfied with the way my siblings were treating each other (Every person for them self) I decided to charge all the siblings rent. $200 a month seemed fair to me & it was like that for all regardless of the room the occupied. It cost roughly 400-500 per month to rent a room elsewhere in our area. As a personal choice, I don’t charge my parents rent (and obviously not the child). My parents only pay the necessary utilities. This was done to avoid any quarrels about one being “singled out” to pay more. They all agreed and managed to pay, infrequently at best.

    The situation changed & my older brother moved out, vacating his room. I moved into that room to eleviate some of my financial burden & apply more of my $ toward my financial obligations. My sister (she is the youngest of the adult siblings, 21 going on 22) couldn’t cope with the rent and moved out. Of the remaining brothers, one has battened down the hatch and paid every month w/o fail. The other has lived rent free for the last year & then some. He has repeatedly said he has “priorities” to pay but regularly buys ‘extra curricular’ consumables and does not pay rent. It has been made clear that failure to pay rent would result in eviction. There is also no expectations to contribute in any other form as a tenant. He has no student debt to my knowledge and is not attending school.
    After giving him leeway for the last year (however unfair to the sibling still paying) I have given him options to stay and make payments to catch up on missed rent which involves a room swap (after which the room situation would be reevaluated); Pay the back-rent in full to retain the room; or move out. All to which he is apposed to. I feel that I’m being more than fair, being that he is a 27 old, able bodied, working man. However, he doesn’t see it that way.


  • Carlos

    I have supported most of my family since Feb of 2008. They all (4adult siblings, parents & youngest sibling) lived in my house essentially rent free for the first 5 years. I was paying rent at a different location (on top of my mortgage) since there was no way for me to have my own private room. I told all siblings to take advantage of the opportunity afforded to them to pay off debts, go to school, and save some money; during the first 5years of their occupation of my home. I simply asked them to lookout & help each other.

    After being dissatisfied with the way my siblings were treating each other (Every person for them self) I decided to charge all the siblings rent. $200 a month seemed fair to me & it was like that for all regardless of the room the occupied. It cost roughly 400-500 per month to rent a room elsewhere in our area. As a personal choice, I don’t charge my parents rent (and obviously not the child). My parents only pay the necessary utilities. This was done to avoid any quarrels about one being “singled out” to pay more. They all agreed and managed to pay, infrequently at best.

    The situation changed & my older brother moved out, vacating his room. I moved into that room to eleviate some of my financial burden & apply more of my $ toward my financial obligations. My sister (she is the youngest of the adult siblings, 21 going on 22) couldn’t cope with the rent and moved out. Of the remaining brothers, one has battened down the hatch and paid every month w/o fail. The other has lived rent free for the last year & then some. He has repeatedly said he has “priorities” to pay but regularly buys ‘extra curricular’ consumables and does not pay rent. It has been made clear that failure to pay rent would result in eviction. There is also no expectations to contribute in any other form as a tenant. He has no student debt to my knowledge and is not attending school.
    After giving him leeway for the last year (however unfair to the sibling still paying) I have given him options to stay and make payments to catch up on missed rent which involves a room swap (after which the room situation would be reevaluated); Pay the back-rent in full to retain the room; or move out. All to which he is apposed to. I feel that I’m being more than fair, being that he is a 27 old, able bodied, working man. However, he doesn’t see it that way.


  • Carlos

    I have supported most of my family since Feb of 2008. They all (4adult siblings, parents & youngest sibling) lived in my house essentially rent free for the first 5 years. I was paying rent at a different location (on top of my mortgage) since there was no way for me to have my own private room. I told all siblings to take advantage of the opportunity afforded to them to pay off debts, go to school, and save some money; during the first 5years of their occupation of my home. I simply asked them to lookout & help each other.

    After being dissatisfied with the way my siblings were treating each other (Every person for them self) I decided to charge all the siblings rent. $200 a month seemed fair to me & it was like that for all regardless of the room the occupied. It cost roughly 400-500 per month to rent a room elsewhere in our area. As a personal choice, I don’t charge my parents rent (and obviously not the child). My parents only pay the necessary utilities. This was done to avoid any quarrels about one being “singled out” to pay more. They all agreed and managed to pay, infrequently at best.

    The situation changed & my older brother moved out, vacating his room. I moved into that room to eleviate some of my financial burden & apply more of my $ toward my financial obligations. My sister (she is the youngest of the adult siblings, 21 going on 22) couldn’t cope with the rent and moved out. Of the remaining brothers, one has battened down the hatch and paid every month w/o fail. The other has lived rent free for the last year & then some. He has repeatedly said he has “priorities” to pay but regularly buys ‘extra curricular’ consumables and does not pay rent. It has been made clear that failure to pay rent would result in eviction. There is also no expectations to contribute in any other form as a tenant. He has no student debt to my knowledge and is not attending school.

    After giving him leeway for the last year (however unfair to the sibling still paying) I have given him options to stay and make payments to catch up on missed rent which involves a room swap (after which the room situation would be reevaluated); Pay the back-rent in full to retain the room; or move out. All to which he is apposed to. I feel that I’m being more than fair, being that he is a 27 old, able bodied, working man. However, he doesn’t see it that way.

    I know this is an old post but,
    Opinions, anyone?

  • Chris

    I am a son and I honestly find it comeplete bullshit that my parents are fucking charging me $300 a month when I just got a fucking job, I don’t do any drugs or drink, I barely spend money, and all I want to do right now is buy all the music equipment I need and learn how to live on my own! Yeah. I know hey might be having a little financial trouble, but they don’t even want me to pay 150 a month. It has to be 300.

  • Dia

    I am a homeless orphan, who had no choice but to stay at my friends house for years, suffering from depression plus headache, and living off a very limited amount of money that the government supplies to me. I have to pay medical bills to treat my depression (what didn’t work out, so I quit), other than that I am a vegetarian as much as possible and cook my own meals, spend my money exclusively on fruit, and fish oil , and when I have to pay rent (50-100 a month) to the friends mother there are days that I live off a watermelon, eating half of it in the morning and half of it in the evening. I shower only five minutes, I do my own laundry, and cooking is often done in 5~7 minutes (Japanese rice, mushrooms or green beans), in some cases I also make pasta for this family without me eating it (I cannot tolerate gluten – it makes my depression worse); then I look at how much the real costs of rent, utilities etc. cost are (she says 1200, but really it is 600+) and figure out she’s asking too much from her husband (300+), son (200+), and her herself receiving support from the government still saying she has no money, is a perverted lie. I help my doing house chores and being modest as possible, and she still asks me rent… Then when she obtained it she pulls a sour face, and buys a lot of comfort food for herself, like chicken; then when she eats it she keeps eating non-stop then throwing half of it away in the garbage, after that pooping it out; and I think I’m very careful with my money and she just ”poops” it out it disgusts me very much. I am a Shintoist and she is a Christian, saying that the god she believes in has blessed her and she is supposed to live a life of luxury as to speak. I want to buy an Akita dog and live in a tent and save up for traveling around Asia instead, I am really saddened!

  • November

    If you have graduated from college (with a BA or MA degree) and you return home to live with your parents, you should pay rent.

    Paying rent, or being asked to pay rent, is not a punishment nor are your parents being mean.

    By paying rent, you are being responsible. You should be working, paying rent (at least $200/mo) and paying for your own groceries and doing your own laundry.

    You should also be saving. This is not a time to go home, have fun and do whatever you please. Yes, it is going to be tight because you are saving the bulk of your money and paying off loans. This is not supposed to be fun or relaxing.

    Get a job, any job. Make your life. Your parents love you and want to see you be successful. One way of doing this is by respecting your parents and giving them rent money.

    And, no one should be at home for 6-12 months “looking” for a job. This is unacceptable. You may have to work a gig you don’t like just to save and pay off your loans.

  • Cindy Troutman Allen

    My daughter and her now 4 children moved in with my husband and I not quite a year ago. It was for her to save and go back to college. Her husband had passed she had met this horrible guy, she was just so lost . She was going to move in with him and decided it just wasn’t what she wanted for her and her children and now one one the way!
    She get 3000$ a mth from Social Security we have given her and the kids more then 3/4 of the house. We have her help with food which she gets some from food stamps not much for a family of 5, so she has to pay out of pocket for some. We have her pay for what are bills are over, we can’t afford not to have her help. My husband works but I’m on disability. She has been hear almost a year and hasn’t saved a time!!she hasn’t worked since the baby was born I recently had back surgery so she was very helpful with that . But I’m still unable to take care of the baby yet. She starts school in November! We let my grandkids have friends over so that’s more of an expense on everything !
    So I think we are right to chg her rent not to mention she is almost 36 years old!

  • James oppy

    Here is some more International advice….. Your children will some day hava a similar role as you did- changing diapers and all. Don’t give them an excuse to send you to the “home”. Where I live, family is always welcome as if it was nothing. Three generation in one house is, I guess, is very un’merican. Enjoy your nursing home!

  • Sean

    Honestly my opinion to all the fucking parents who charge their kids rent is maybe you should have made sure you could support these children up until theyre financially independent or you should not have fucking gave birth to them. Do you think its fair to put your financial burden on your children maybe the better question is do you think its right? The economy is only getting tougher job availability is decreasing as well as job security, companies arent increasing wages meanwhile the cost of everything else is going up around us. However bad you had it it will be ten fold worse for your children take that into consideration before handing them your financial burden

  • PMPete

    I don’t charge my twenty something rent. I don’t need his money and he is my son not a tenant. He works and saves on his own or else I considered charging him a meager sum to present to him in full, later. For example, here is the 150$ a month you gave us the past 30 months. I saved it for you and give him a check for 4500 as he heads out to live on his own. Itll help

  • Sarah kinkade

    This is from a child living with her mother with her boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were living with some of my other family members at the beginning of this year. We paid them 300$ a month to stay there and they kicked us out after one month because we didn’t have enough money to feed 5 people just me and my boyfriend. So I talked to my mom and we moved into her one bedroom apartment with her and her husband. Her husband, my boyfriend, and I didn’t know she was not paying the rent or the car bill. So all the money we gave her for rent went on lottery tickets. So we get kicked out and she blames it on me and my boyfriend. We paid her 300$ a month when her rent was 425$ a month. All she had to pay was 125$ after we paid ours. So we moved Into a hotel now, she still buys lottery tickets, and pawns everything she finds. We pay 150 a week for the room with a 320$ Bill. She doesn’t pay anything on it. Her husband has to help with the rent. Instead she spends her money on her “secret” boyfriend and my boyfriend and I have to work after work to afford food. She told us In the beginning she gets almost 300$ a week from pay. And somehow it all disappears when rent cones or food bills need paid. So your opinion is your opinion on if you should charge your child for rent.

  • michinyo

    I’m back in school after having to leave my last college and be out of school for a few years due to instability from mental illness. I’m technically considered disable, yet I’m working full time and going to school part time. Still, I don’t make enough money to live on my own, and all my friends have their own living arrangements that they can’t break.
    Thus, I’m living at home. I live with my dad, my 26 year old brother, my 17 year old sister and her child. I pay about $250 a month total between rent, car insurance and my phone bill, and this is what I give to my dad. This is fine, but between working full time, and school part time, my dad expects me to also keep the house clean and cook meals for the family, and that is where I find it unfair.
    He is financially able to take care of everyone, but I’ll gladly pay rent and I’ve offered and have done extra things like buying groceries and getting little things here and there just to be nice and helpful when I can afford it. However it’s apparently not enough and every time I mention a lack of food in the house when we need something basic such as milk or bread, it receives negative backlash.
    Then again I have an abusive family so all this stuff should be a given.

  • Mira

    This article is a demonstration of the self entitled generation.
    I let my son, daughter in law and grandson live in my home, eat, have benefit of satellite TV and internet. They pay me $300 per month. They agreed to do chores – they stopped months ago. They are getting a great deal at $300. If they paid nothing they would never have incentive to leave. If they paid nothing it would be that much more difficult to tolerate the whining over the things she wants and the indulgent spending.
    No. Charge them rent. In fact, set quarterly increases. It’s not possible to have an adult child live at home and not take advantage. They are used to being treated like a child and they will continue to behave like one.

  • Gwendolyn Young

    This post is hilarious. Your mother is not responsible for your education or that you couldn’t find a better paying job. Get a second one, increase your skills, take up a side hustle. Why should she pay for all the things you equally enjoy! #growup

  • Luis Romero

    I wish i had parents like you.. My parents make well over 200k a year.. I recently got laid off and I had to move back in from my apartment I was paying $1500 for. They didn’t even tell me I was going to pay rent until a week after I moved in my father said I had to give him $500 immediately (not to mention the fact that he regularly lets friends and family borrow thousands of dollars).. Not only that but I can’t park my car in front of the house, I have to clean up after everybody, and they took the cable box out of my room and put it in an empty room… I can’t wait to start my new job at the chevron refinery so I can save for a down payment on my own home… And parents wonder why their children stop visiting them after they move out.

  • Samm

    So I am 19 working making $10,57 hr my one year old daughter and boyfriend we all live with my dad and our rent is $750 a month and $150 water bill I am paying every Month and my dad is telling me he is gonna kick us out I’m wondering if he is able to do that when I pay about $580 every month someone give me an answer plz

  • George Sidlo

    I am Mrs Luella Bandstra i live in USA i applied for a scam company pretend to be a loan company so they rip me of the sum of 2000usd so a friend of in IOWA told me that there is a loan company that gave her loan after i have been was scam by the same people that rip of the 2000usd so he gave me the company email so i contact them they are really they not scam contact them now so that you can also testify to others also God will Bless him and his family here is the email steve.mccclaren309@gmail.com

  • Sydnee Marie

    One thing you are forgetting. The cost of someone living in your home. My son moved back home today. Charging him rent is not something I want to do to teach him responsibility. Not something I want to do to make it easier. paying rent is not benifitting me in anyway. Its not unkind to expect n adult to not be a financial burden to us. It has to be done. We are suffering too! We can not support another adult! Period! Gas. Electricity. Supplies. Food. Etc. Sorry but I’m broke and I still have to pay. Adult life isn’t easy

  • mel

    I’m 25 and live at home. I pay $600 a month to my mom. I started paying “rent” at age 16 ($175 a month). I have no problem with that. my family has been poor forever and my mom has always struggled to support me and my siblings. I feel like it’s only right I help put money towards the family home I now still live in as an adult.

    the only thing that bothers me is that my mom really does not want me to move out. she says she would be screwed without my financial help and it’s only right I stay and help because she put a roof over my head until I was 16 without asking for any money from me. the only time shed accept me moving out is when I get engaged/married and/or have kids of my own. and even then she has said multiple times she would either want me to stay home and live there with my future SO and the kid(s) or move with her to a 2 family house…

    usually this is not something that bothers me a lot. but lately I have been getting the itch to get my own place. I want some time to be on my own before I settle down and start a family of my own. I mentioned it once to my mom and she flipped. she said it would be so selfish of me and asked why would I live seperately from my family when I can live at home and contribute to the family bills?

    I usually don’t mind living at home with my family but lately I have been realizing I need to get out on my own. there is also a lot of craziness/dysfunction in my household and drama is always happening (mostly with my mom & stepdad). this is something I’m used to and it’s whatever, but I’m now in my mid 20s. I would like a few years of peace and quiet before I start my own family. reading this comment back I’m afraid I do sound selfish. but I can’t help how I feel.

    I would still help my family out financially if I moved out but unfortunately it wouldn’t be as much as I give them now. so I see why my mom worries. but still…

  • Fritz

    When my daughter moved back home I charged her rent. One year later she got married and I gave her a savings account with her twelve rent checks. If I had not charged her rent, I am certain she would not have saved anything.
    Her mother gave me all sorts of crap because I charged our only daughter rent.
    I forced her to save and I’m the schmuck.

  • Suzy

    What about a 48 year old daughter, her husband, and their two kids? Moved in for a few weeks after they were forced out of their rental and have been living in my house for three years. They are messy, have junk all over the house. I cannot even use my dining room and they always have laundry on the living room sofa, junk all over the coffee table, end tables and chairs. They rarely pick up and I cannot have guests in my home. They go out and leave the kids home for me to watch. Often they don’t tell me they are even leaving the house. They spend their money in food and they go to restaurants and bars for drinks. They ate not alcololics, it’s social drinking. They break things and don’t repair them. They don’t do any upkeep on the house. My son and other son in law help with repairs, painting, etc. My daughter in law takes me places as well as my son. The ones who live in my house don’t take me anywhere. They say, we want to go out as a family. (The parents and two kids) They are also rude to my other children when they come to visit me.
    I’m tired of it, but I do not want to live alone. I’m over 80. Oh, and my other kids have offered me to live with them.

  • Angel

    My dad’s Girlfriend .My mom Died 3 yrs ago. Kicked me out of the apartment that i co-rented with my dad .kicked me out of my room and still expects me to pay rent when i don’t live there even though my name is on the lease agreement and Her son who now resides in my room pays nothing in rent. gets to stay.I can’t rent anything else because of the lease there. I don’t know what to do and I am Disabled.

  • jackthecat2010

    i left home at 24 and joined the military. after 8 years, i was informed that i would not be able to move back to mom’s house, if i chose to leave the military – this of course cemented my military career of 25 years, since i really had no home to return to. during that time, i purchased a house and all the necessities that i needed to “create” a home to go to. since leaving the military, i have returned back to college to get a Bachelor’s degree and currently in Grad School. tough love is well worth it. i would probably do the same if i had children. no boomerang kids here!


    I am Mrs Luella Bandstra i live in USA i applied for a scam company pretend to be a loan company so they rip me of the sum of 2000usd so a friend of in IOWA told me that there is a loan company that gave her loan after i have been was scam by the same people that rip of the 2000usd so he gave me the company email so i contact them they are really they not scam contact them now so that you can also testify to others also God will Bless him and his family here is the email steve.mccclaren309@gmail.com

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  • Ashley J

    Give me a break. Adult “children” are adults and need to be responsible for themselves (by 18 at the oldest). Let me guess, you never worked a full-time job the entire time you were in college? Kids are babied way too much and it’s getting old.. and it’s rather pathetic that anyone gets their first job after the age of 21. For reference I’m not an old crow, but rather a gen x’r who worked throughout all 8 years of college.. and had my own place to live too.. without the assistance my parents.

  • Head_Heaux

    I had to move in with my mom, I only wanted to stay in her empty basement suite for 3 months maximum. At first I offered to pay, but realized that I couldn’t and needed that money to pay down debts I had from moving. I called her crying, to let her know that I was very stressed and needed her help emotionally and to let me live there temporarily for free. She agreed and then set forth a bunch of rules that, honestly, I could have lived with except one that stated my boyfriend couldn’t spend the night, I actually couldn’t have ANYONE spend the night. I’m 24 and although I need a place to stay, I’m considering putting myself further in debt so that the few hours I do get at home, I can spend with the man I love. Did I mention that I have a job that goes from 8am to 8 pm? And I don’t get home until 9 and I go to bed at 12.
    If my kids ever needed me in this way I’d never treat them like this, I’d welcome them into my home with welcome arms for as long as they needed.

  • C.S.

    I hear a lot from people talking about how lazy people who live with their parents are, and that it’s so much hard work just to make ends meet because life is hard etc etc etc… But, unless you actually come from a family that is struggling financially, you need to shut up. If your parents would have been fine with letting you stay in their house, and you decided to move out and live hand-to-mouth instead, that was your decision and you don’t have any right to cast derision on people who are trying to save their money until they’re better off.

  • agentinsure

    This is just plain bad advice. No one is paying my way and the only thing I learned my not charging my eldest rent was they seem to find other opportunities to spend that money on. By forcing them to pay rent they are driven to learn values like frugality, resourcefulness and the like. Why would you want to deprive them of that. And what kind of kid thinks they can just ride on the coat tails of someone else’s hard work? Thats the problem with our society. Some of the greatest achievers today were at one time homeless or forced to live in their car. Some of the biggest slackers are those whose parents coddled them all the way through adulthood. Obviously if there is extenuating circumstance such as a job loss, divorce, illness or other tragedy this can be waived for a time, but short of that i say if you let them live at home free you are contributing to an culturally inherited sense of entitlement and only handicapping them for their future. Who do you think they will have to lean on 20,30 years from now when they face tough times and you are no longer around?

  • C.S.

    There are many ethnic and socioeconomic groups within the United States that consider it normal for people to live with their parents until they get married and/or become financially secure, which is sometimes in their thirties, because it makes good financial sense for people who aren’t incredibly rich, and people from these groups end up suffering the mockery and derision of society for no good reason. Why can’t people just mind their own business?

  • Ky’Re

    I’m 19 now and have not yet left home. When I was 18, after high school, I was taking college classes online. We had problems after that semester so my mom took me out of the college. I found a job and my mom started putting probably half or more of my money into savings. I missed the summer semester of college so she started having me baby sit and work less while taking away the same amount of money. Eventually I went for a 1000 to 100 in the bank and she could no longer take from me. She stopped taking at first but when I got into college for this fall semester she started charging again. Although I’m no longer baby sitting for her I still don’t work a lot of hours now that I can only work four days a week because of classes and I’ve been paying for all of my school needs, car fix ups, loan repayments, phone bills, etc with little help from her. I still do chores when I’m not working, sleeping, studying, or having me time and she still nags about my room. I never left home and I’m “barely scrapin’.” I’d just like to hear some opinions because I’m quite annoyed.

  • ZekeMastadon

    Honestly I think it depends on the adult children. 1) do they follow your house rules? i.e. if your rule is not to be a skank and back home by midnight, not do drugs, etc..then that is the rule. FOLLOW IT OR GET KICKED OUT 2) cost of living in area. My area- LA County is so expensive you’d need a job that earns $80,000 or more per year to be able to actually afford rent, as in your rent will not be costing you more than 1/4th of your take home income per year. As a result all of my friends still live with their parents well into their 30’s and beyond. This is the new norm in the area as an apartment is $1800 or more for a studio and their jobs don’t pay enough to survive. 3) If they are married or single. Taking on another person is a big deal. If its two people you have to really think about it, they could pay rent, but maybe a reduced rate if the situation is like #2. A single person however, is another story. 4) age and financial situation. If someone is say 35, but has very little savings, and a poor paying job, and you can see it is not improving (despite education, hard work, etc, to kick them out would severely unkind and move them further down the economic ladder! You have to think long term of your family inheritance. I know that sounds very 1800s, but it works for many cultures outside of the USA. Our people are just waking up to the reality that money from your family is family money and you have to think about it long term. 5) Economic situation of country— the USA is not like how it was in the 1970’s. Sadly some idiot parents still think that their child will get a “good job” out of college and be able to make ends meet. The reality is wages have been stagnant if not declining since 1999. Your spending power is half what it was in the 70’s and rent has been skyrocketing. The day of “move out, go to college, get married” is over. 67% or more of adults are single. Some people work two jobs just to keep a roof over their head. To be cruel to someone because you think its 1970 is a dreadful mistake. I had an aunt who did this to her two adult children. They both got in severe debt going to college, and now are in even greater debt with mortgages. The odds of them retiring are low, and their children going to college and not being poor? A joke. Kicking people out doesn’t teach them responsibility. Responsibility is being fiscally sound, not spending money, going to college where you can afford, living where you can afford (even if you dislike being with your parents) and learning to deal with other people. Sometimes the parents who kick kids out are the least of the adults in this situation. I understand a deadbeat child, but not everyone is a party-infused drug-addict. Certainly none of the people I personally know in their late 20’s and early 30’s who live with their parents are.

  • Mrs C

    I have 4 kids living at home. The 22 yr old just recently married, 21 year old is at a university & works 20 hrs a week, 19 yr old has a part time job & goes to school part time and the 17 yr old is in High School. My husband and i are in a disagreement. I am on workers comp because of tendinitis and have good and bad days. I cook for us all. Provide the food and clean after dinner. I clean two bathrooms and any other area that needs cleaning in the house. The couple pays $570, the 2nd only does a few shores on weekend, 3rd pays $340 & the 4th just shores. They all have their own rooms. Is it bad parenting to want them to start helping me with cooking, dishes and washing restrooms or to help pay for someone to come help me or ask them to move out if they don’t agree???? My husband thinks i am being a nagging stay at home mom.

  • Shellby

    I am doing this year of school online and to save money moved home with my boyfriend. We moved with his mom for free but we cannot get internet out there and she is a heavy drinker and I do not like the living arrangement. However, my parents said we could move in with them for 300$ a month. But, we both work and I’m doing school. My boyfriend works as a bartender 4pm-2am, and I work 8-6 and then I’m at the library or gym until like 10pm. So we won’t be eating at the house, and will mainly be sleeping or watching netflix. I think it would be reasonable to pay 150, for utilities.. is that fair?

  • Veronica

    Ok, why have kids and then make them pay rent?? You made them and should give them all you have, they are your creation. You shouldn’t be asking for money off your children and never threat or say about them moving out! And if they are going out all the time/ eating out etc teach them how to spend money and to wisely choose what they need and want. Also, giving examples of how you moved out or how it was during your young age is not a good way to back yourself up! – 19 year old girl.

  • Thornye Rose

    Whiny cupcake.

  • Sharon Numnut

    Of course you should charge your kids rent if they are adults. Its not a parents responsiblility to raise adult kids. This is what is wrong with the adult children today, the parents enable them and run to their aid when they get in any trouble whether financially or otherwise. Listen to them but constantly getting them out of the trouble they are in doesn’t help them find solutions. If you do that they have made you the solution. It doesnt make you a good parent to run to their aid all the time it makes you a bad parent

  • A. Robles

    I’m 25. I have a Bachelors of Arts in English and am working on getting an Associate in Marketing because lets face it, to get a job you have to have more in your resume. I just started working for the local school district. I used to work at restaurants and grocery stores. I pay 500 dollars in rent a month. I live with my mom and I know she needs it. No one can afford to live in the SF Bay Area anymore. I clean, I cook, I buy food for everyone to use. I don’t have my own room, I share with my younger sister. If my mom needs money I let her take it out of my account. I put money in a savings account. I pay my phone bill, credit card, and student loans. If i could move out I would, but like I said, no one can afford it anymore. And no I don’t have a car so I don’t have to pay for that car stuff.

  • TearsFromTheMoon

    I’m 40..yes I’m old. I have an 11 year old son with autism. I’ve been on my own since 16 and had a job starting at 14. I also have a college degree that I cannot at this time pay to update certs.
    I just went through a real nasty divorce that left my son and I financially handicapped. I stopped working at 35 due to failed spine surgery to correct a deformation in my spine because of a car accident.
    My son and I ended up moving back in with my mom at her request, as where we were became unsafe due to neighbors. Its temporary (only needed 6 months) until I save enough of my ssdi for the down payment I need on the home I’m buying.
    I pay my mom $400 a month in rent and give 1/3 of the utilities. However, my mom treats me like a two year old. She barges in the room I’m renting, cussing and yelling if she’s upset about anything, even if it has nothing to do with me. She threatens to kick us out daily just because she thinks she can. She tries relentlessly to parent my son by trying to overrule my parenting. I’m seeing how the verble, emotional and mental abuse I grew up with is only worse now.
    I never miss a rent payment, I do the dishes, the laundry, anything that has to be done.
    However, I cannot say enough how I appreciate her letting us stay here. I would not be able to save what I need to buy the house if she hadn’t let us stay here.
    As rough as it is here living with someone with severe narcissism, I know its not forever.
    My son and I stay hoarded in our little room so we don’t bother her. That’s not good enough as she took the cord to our TV so we would HAVE to spend time with her. We just use our tablet now in the room.
    I guess my point is, its not always fun for the adult child to have to move back home, just as its not fun for the parent.
    There’s many reasons why I ran as fast as I could at 16 and began my life early. But no matter what, even 25 years later she’s here to help.
    I will be out real soon so I’m happy.
    For those of you having to live with your parents again, pay your way. Sometimes it may not matter much like in my case, but they are doing YOU a favor.

  • Jenni Ester

    When I graduated college, about 6 months ago, I couldn’t find a job for 3 months. I was finally able to find a job and I am working at said job, but I pay my parents $900 a month. I am grateful that they helped me when I was looking for a job, but I also cook and clean the house, by groceries and work full time. I wish I didn’t have to pay so much because I have loans to pay as well. If those $900 could go to paying my loans I would be able to pay my loans in less than a year and a half. I am now debating whether I should move out and live with roommates. I would be able to save more money and have a social life and freedom in general. Although, I pay rent I can’t go out or have friends. My parents guilt me into everything. Sometimes they ask me to let them borrow money and then only pay 75% back. I wouldn’t mind if my parents charged me rent, but $900 is too much.

  • Areyou Solame

    I have a big house and each kid had their own room. My rules are like this:

    As long as my kids are in college and getting good grades, they can stay home for free. Luckily they all got merit scholarships out of state, so they are in college on a free ride.

    HOWEVER–I do rent out their rooms on AirBnB type websites during the school year so that I can make some extra money. They knew that in advance and cleaned their rooms out so their personal/valuable stuff was locked up before they headed to college.

    When they come home for vacations (christmas/summer) I don’t rent their rooms because they are home and I want to see them. They are responsible for chores and of course to pay their own luxury expenses (car insurance and gas (but I gave them an old car to use), dinners out, entertainment, vacation travel if they feel so inclined).

    As each one graduates, they are free to come home and work locally and save $, but they will pay some rent to me. The first hasn’t graduated yet so we haven’t tested this part of the plan. I hope to save the $ they pay me in a separate account and give it to them as a wedding present, or when they want to buy a home, to use as a down payment, or something big like that.

    As soon as they’re out again, back to room renting!

    I figure as long as I have the space, why not? People in Europe rent out rooms all the time to travelers and it’s seen as normal. Only here in the US has it been slow to catch on.

  • john

    I would NEVER , NEVER, EVER charge my kids for rent. Heres why: 1. That is my child, hes not my tenant. I charge people in the street. I don’t charge my family. We both play for the same team. How does that look me charging them when it supposed to be an US thing , not an me vs. you thing. I don’t want my children throwing me away to some group home when I’m older and unable to work and provide for myself. Theres going to come a time when I need them just as much as they need me. Should I expect them to charge me in my elder age ?. I understand that there is no social security in the future for me, there is no retirement to lean back on. That’s all a myth. Interest rates are rising , mortgages , car loans, loans are getting more expensive that’s for everybody. Its hard to sustain for anyone, let a lone a kid. So why would I throw them out there like that ? As an parent the blame lies with us to some degree. We encourage these kids to go to college to get degrees but didn’t consider the future outcome and plan better. We told them to go to college, get these student loans, (free money from the government) to get these degrees that now every kid, I see, has a degree in something. It makes those degrees they’ve acquired,, meaningless because the purpose of the degree was to stand out from the crowd so that you could attain a good job. But if everyone has a degree, theres nothing special about it. Then there paying exorbitant amount of interest on the loans. But Who guided them in that path to getting a degree? Who stayed getting on their ass to make sure that they got that useless degree with that student loan they cant get back? THE PARENTS. My parents did some fucked up shit to me, that is partially, not all, partially the reason why I made some of the decisions and choices I made. These parents comments I read are just as misguided as the “adult children” As a parent, my children are the future, not me. Theyre my investment. My children and I work together , collaborate on starting businesses, or saving money for whatever endeavors we want to pursue. I work and help provide stability for them and they excel by learning how to start businesses or they work and we save money together. Theyre supposed to be doing something more with their lives then just working day in and day out and having “adult responsibilties”.As a parent, If your resources were limited before you had a children then there going to be limited after children. What difference really does 200 make ? Its really a gesture and the message isn’t clear to the kids. These parents on here don’t own their own businesses and REALLY support themselves. They got jobs. A job is not you supporting yourself, a job is that business you work for supporting you. That’s why you can get fired from a job, but you cant get fired from supporting yourself. The millennial generation, Ive seen want to do good for themselves, and their families but the circumstances is just fucked up. I’m generation X(I think), and them baby boomers (my parents) was some spoiled motherfuckers in my opinion, they had a good economy, came out of high school with jobs, shit was set for them. They did a whole lot of fucking up. I agree with the youth on this one. Parents get out your feelings, get out your ego. That home is just as much your kids home, as it is your home. Quit your bitching, and work with your kids.

  • Rob

    LoL well im having to pay my Dad rent while having to pay for my college on my own plus my own food. Gas. Medical bill of $3000 and god only knows how much im gunna have to spend on my car thats already going to shit…i dont even mind doing all that but honestly that rent. Even if its only $150 is destroying me at the moment. I only work 21 hours a week and at $10.50 an hour its really not helping. Might have to start a go fund me page holy crap.

  • LEONORA Christaldi-Smith

    my son’s father asked me and my son and my daughter to come live with him.. after separating from a 12 year loveless marriage, traveled 1000 miles north to be closer to my mother and to once again reunite my son with his biological father. Well, as it turns out he has an almost 30 year old daughter who has a job making $18 an hour.. living in the house occupying a bedroom but barely here but maybe 15% of the time. due to the stress of me and the kids being here is her reason for not being here 85% of the time.. yet occcupies a room, pays not one dime to live here and does absolutely nothing around the house.. goes out to parties, dinners, takes vacations, buys all kinds of clothing and whatever her whim is. problem? my kids do not have bedrooms, they sleep on a mattress in the living room and on the sofa in the den. when we first moved in, she couldnt wait to move out.. that was all we ever heard.. she was leaving yadayadayad. in august of last year.. here we are a year and a half later and she is still occupying a room making $18 an hour with her job, not contributing one cent to be here doing nothing around the house in the way of cleaning or laundry or anything.. comes and goes driving a lexus and well, my kids have no rooms to sleep..one child had a room but then his mother announced she was moving in.. boom both kids no rooms. looking to find a place to move because it’s not my place to say hey. you”re 30 years old.. you’r’e hardly here and well my kids need a bedroom.. I inquired of him what rules are in place for her with respect to living here? she heard me and came bashing in my room threatening to F me up. and calling me a dumb bitch. I must be dumb. I was told I had bad planning according to her for even coming here to live albeit I was invited to be here by her father. trying to get another place to live, but no longer do mortgage companies allow you to use the equity in your home to put down on a new home. you have to literally sell your house first to put money down on a new place. I’m in a real bind.. my kids need room and I cant help but get disgusted that this prima donna princess lives scott free and has no regard for her younger brother sleeping on a sofa when she is here maybe one night out of the week yet occupying a bedroom. he will not ask her to move out… nor will he ask her to pay anything to be here. hey you all wanna move in for free? cause that’s about where we are with this bs.

  • I just kicked my 20 yr old son out yesterday because he flat out told me he would not pay me the $150 a month rent I told him he needed to start paying beginning July 1st.

    My house rules are… If you are going to school and working then it’s NO rent… if you are not attending school and working then you must pay rent. Simple right?

    He was supposed to begin paying on May 1st but claimed he couldn’t because he switched jobs… Ok so I told him to do some things around the house for me, and watch the animals for us when we went out of town for a week. Well he couldn’t because he was going to a concert that he already paid $300 for tickets to attend… YES that is what he said… Can’t pay $150 to live in my house but can pay $300 for a concert.

    The entire concept that parents shouldn’t charge rent is assuming your child is both a responsible adult, concerned about their future and is able to save their money to be in a better position to move out.
    That is simply BS!
    Young adults these days have ZERO concept of self sufficiency, responsibility and frankly they have a feeling of entitlement like never before. Whatever mom and dad have worked for is theirs… lock stock and barrel… Work? Pfft me?

    What do they take in college? 17th century lesbian poetry or women’s studies? Good luck…

    Your living a pipe dream dude…
    Kick their lazy butts OUT

  • RickardOGrady

    If they’re working and expect to live in my home they need to pay somehow. My own parents did this with me as I became old enough to work; with rent set at around $150. If I had no money I was expected to work to that value, since I trained as a mechanic sometimes this meant fixing their cars, or figuring out how to fix other house maintenance issues. I once built a shed as part of that deal.

    The thing I’m getting at is that it needn’t be money. But agree on a value so that you can assign tasks to compensate if there is no money.

  • PurpleCat

    I come from a low income family. My parents didn’t have the opportunity to finish school, so neither have a high diploma. Despite that, my parents never charged me rent during my college education. I am now working as a nurse at the age of 22 and I pay my parents $500 monthly ever since I started working. Some may say that’s a lot, but to me it’s not. They don’t have much money and they do not have a retirement fund, so it’s the least I can do to contribute. I am also making sure to put away some money monthly in my savings account.

  • Ksprizzle

    You said your Mom was tight on money, but you wanted her to save all of your money you paid her in rent so she could give it back to you? Umm…No honey, I’m sorry. Welcome to the world of being an adult. You pay for what you want to do and accept the consequences of student loans. You couldn’t find a second job to get the extra money you “needed”? Good luck finding anywhere to let you live there for $200 a month, much less free. Yay adulting!

  • Amanda Riffe

    I work at Sonic right now, I make 7.75 an hour. I wanted to live in an apartment for my senior year of college, so that summer I saved up 2000 dollars and continued to work through the year, making 700 dollars a month for a 500 dollar rent plus electric. My mom, who cosigned the lease with the agreement that I would never ask for any money, only found out yesterday how little I made month to month. She was pretty flabbergasted: How did I eat? And how did I buy my books? I told her how I had to learn to budget, not that I was a liberal spender to begin with.

    My parents paid for my car (and are paying insurance), they pay for my phone bill, and for my college tuition. Currently they’re allowing me to say at home without rent, now that I’m graduated. I’m so grateful I have parents who are willing to do that for me, but I plan to, in a few months whether I get a better job or not, ask to pay my portion of the phone bill or insurance, one or the other to begin with, and then when I get a better job start paying the other one. Of course, this means I have the luxury of choice, which a lot of people don’t have.

    I wouldn’t be opposed to paying my parent’s rent, as long as they didn’t charge me so much that it would hinder my ability to save so that one day I could actually move out. I mean, even with only a 200 dollar difference between rent and income, I still managed to save about 25 dollars per month which is why I wasn’t completely broke when I left college.

  • Danboone143

    My friend is nearly 60 and 2 of her adult children have lived with her rent free. The youngest has done so since graduating high school two years ago. She has become insanely lazy, often sleeping until noon; has a chip on her shoulder and a quick temper (like all spoiled brats), is defiant and manipulative. Won’t clean her room, has her adult boyfriend living in her room, (he has seasonal employment) won’t do their own dishes, won’t even put food back in the refrigerator, won’t shovel snow from the driveway, in short does nothing.
    The situation gets worse daily because my friend knows she wasn’t a perfect parent and the daughters constantly use this as an excuse.
    The daughters naturally only work just enough to pay for things they want such as pot, fast food (when they have cleaned out the refrigerator).
    My friend is partially disabled and working as much as she can with her disability but can’t even make her mortgage payments, is out of heating oil, behind on all her bills and her house needs repair. The daughter and her lazy boyfriend won’t lift a finger to help; I’ve been helping financially in the past but have cut them off because I’m getting behind as well; the parasites are oblivious for the moment.
    The worst thing you can do for a child is not require them to be responsible for themselves; this starts at an early age. My children moved back home with me and we didn’t even have to discuss the issue of paying rent or working; they knew and WANTED to be responsible.
    If you are going to live with your parents then be a productive part of the household; when you became an adult the era of being a dependent of your mommy and daddy ended; grow up.

    • Nightflyer

      Some parents and kids are bad combinations…did the parent fail to teach or did the kid fail to learn?
      I have a pal at work whose daughter is starting her senior year of college. She’s already doing on-line interviews for her post-graduation job, and all involved know that job will not pay her enough to live on her own, so she’s guaranteed a roof over her head and three squares a day. She is expected to provide physical and other support for family operations, like hauling the groceries, cleaning the house, and so on, and they made sure she has her own phone number for her own privacy. But this daughter is extremely morally grounded, very focused on achievement, and has worked since age 14 in paid internships and jobs, so she knows what a W-2 is all about. So I don’t think that family will have a problem…they’re happy to have her around.

  • Is it true that most people who ask their children to pay are predominantly from WASP backgrounds? Because come to think of it, I haven’t heard of too many African-American, Latino or Asian families asking the same, maybe because of different cultural beliefs or something.

  • Lori Browne

    I have never heard a more irrational logjam of reasons to stick it to a parent for charging you 200.00 a month for 2.5 years of living expenses. Good grief…for 200.00 a month I hope you were cleaning the entire house weekly, and doing the lawn, shopping, laundry, organizing the garage, painting the walls.

    Even IF she’d absorbed ALL of your expenses? You’d still have had to take out loans to go to graduate school. And that’s YOUR decision. You could have as easily decided to work your day job and pick up an entire 40 more hours of work per week. At min wage that would have been another 1200.00 per month for 2.5 years and that would have been 36k, in addition to the 16k per year you were making – minus that pesky 2400.00 per year you paid for “rent” and I hope you didn’t work 40 hours when you had free living basically and call it quits for the weekend. If you’d managed your money, after car/insurance and gas/bills/ taxes clothes?

    You could have banked 8k a year from your primary job.
    So the total amount you could have slammed dunked working 80 hours a week? Was 56k.

    This was a grandslam opportunity to get your A Game on. And man if you did not see it and take advantage of it and work like a complete dog? WOW.
    These are the hustle & groove years.
    Sleep doesnt matter. “A Life” doesn’t matter. Friends don’t matter. All that matters is there are 24 hours in a day and 8 of them are designated for sleep.
    The rest? Work your butt off.

    Kudo to Mom for that piddley 200.00 a month. It nowhere came close to actually covering your expenses.
    And I Kinda hope she got massages and manicures with it. This slightly accusatory aura that she was somehow remiss in not banking your money and GIVING it back to you had to be exhausting to live with.

    And that English Degree?! Ouch. What a waste of effort. I know. I too got one of those. I topped it with an MBA in Gerontology. Something useful.

    Liberal Arts Majors PAY attention. Unless you are at a Pedigree Prestigious Institution and come from a wealthy family? Please reconsider ANY degree that does not offer a licensure program. The only people getting paid living wages are basically those people in a specialty skill set. No English or History or Art degree should be SOLD in America without a MANDATORY Teaching Degree Requirement… especially with student loan funds.

    The Killer Phrase:

    Me me me me me????

    “If SHE had set THAT money aside and GIVEN it to me before I’d gone back to graduate school “I” could have saved “MYSELF” an additional 6k in student loans.

  • Bradley Pietrzak

    I’m saving every penny I have I just left the navy and my parents are letting me live with them for free I am busting my azs in sales between me and my gf we are saving 5000 a month. When i am out of college we will have enough to buy a home with cash then im going to help my parents like they helped me get ahead and help them pay off there debt

  • K.

    This is BULLSHIT. Absolute bullshit and I myself am a young adult living at home. I am looking for a job while I’m in college so I can help my parents out, they’re struggling, they shouldn’t have to support me, a 20+ year old WOMAN.

    Absolutely stupid, we can still save up to get our own place whilst giving our parents, who are also growing older, rent.

    Such a stupid, pretentious article I cannot believe.

  • ZekeMastadon

    Hmmm. I would argue because cost of living is so expensive, you can find other ways they can contribute vs paying a rental fee. Why do I say this? Where I live in LA County, you’d need to be earning 75,000+ per year to just get by alone as a single person. Rent in my area for a studio apartment is $1700/month. I earn $3000 after taxes. I try to save around 20% per month or 600 of that $3000. Factor in a person’s internet, health insurance cost, transportation (around $200 a month), car payments, etc…YOU WOULD HAVE NO MONEY if you were living on your own even for basic necessities. God forbid anything happened to you, your car, etc. You are basically screwed. Living at home is the only option for both myself and many of my friends in our late twenties and earth thirties who are single. Other people “slid into” living with their boyfriend or girlfriend basically as a mooch – and the relationships are unhealthy. Many of these people end up married then angry about what happened later, or worse yet, they hate their kids. How is that productive? Most other countries don’t have the concept of kicking your kids out at age 18. It is absurd, stupid, and entirely AMERICAN. They think people should be “independent.” That was fine in 1950 when housing was dirt cheap, inflation low, etc. Not now. Read the studies, we make far less, are taxed far more, and housing is ever and ever out of reach. Buying a place? No one i know even qualifies for a loan for a condo in COMPTON. $315,000 for a 500 square foot box in the ghetto complete with barred windows. Nope.

  • Mike Gains

    How can you all sit their and judge saying “oh well I had to get up of my ass and make my career it wasn’t easy” when you don’t know everyone’s situation. Just because you had it hard doesn’t give you the right. Besides so what if kids want to live with their parents, it’s their life to do what they want and you can’t judge just because you didn’t do the same thing.

  • mjoinsd

    YOu are fucking nuts!!! If the fucking kid wants to live at home, let him pay rent. Jesus. Nothing is fucknig free in life you dickhead!

  • Janus

    So you majored in English and then wanted to go to grad school two years later? You make grad school sound like a necessity, but it wasn’t. I can’t believe you are whining over paying “rent” to your mother that is the cost equivalent of one utility. SMH. We have created a nation of Betas.

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  • ZekeMastadon

    Quite frankly with the lack of good jobs, many people are also UNDERemployed well into their 30’s. I’ll give you two examples:

    1) me- my first job was $8 an hour with a graduate degree, my second job was $18, which after taxes amounted to about $12. After that I was “promoted” In a temporary position and was getting around $27, but again with taxes that was really $19. I went to another job, and was paid the exact same amount, then I had to quit that job due to a hostile work environment (my tires were even slashed) and went down to about $26 an hour, which, after taxes is about $18 an hour in my state. I was unemployed for 4 months. I finally got another job, which is around $27 an hour again, or $19 after taxes. Rent in my state is around $1900 for a one bedroom apartment. yes you read that right. For me to be able to afford such an apartment, and still save to retire one day, and for unexpected expenses, I would need to be earning around $45-50 per hour. I am nowhere near that. I cannot go back to school, school is $25,000 for 2 years at a public institution. I don’t have $25,000 floating around (obviously).

    2) friend- friend made $10 an hour at her first job, then $15 at her second job, now $16 at her third job. After taxes? You are looking at $8, $10, and about $12 respectively. Oh and she has to pay for parking at her workplace to the tune of $65 per month. This is with an “in demand” degree and 6 years of work experience. She “might” be able to get a new job, hopefully, where the “median salary” is $27/hr or $19 after taxes. That is NOT nearly enough to afford $1900 a month rent. Even if you moved into a two bedroom apartment, it would be $2500-2600 in our area (even more in some parts of town). You’d still be paying at least $1300-1500 a month in rent. What is $27/hr after taxes n one month? Around $3000… if your rent is $1500 that is 50% of your paycheck just to have a roof over your head, and you will never retire.

    It is cruel to charge your adult children rent in this economy. Particularly when you consider that in many other countries, and in western countries for thousands of years it was the norm to live with your family, even after you got married. We need to get back to this instead of thinking responsible young people are immature or not adults unless they move out. It is garbage!

    And I’ll put this into perspective. I have a close friend who has a graduate degree in engineering, and lives at home because rent is far too much near where she works. She had a coworker spend $600,000+ on a 900 square foot box.

    The only person I know who lives alone is my foreign friend who has a rich dad who gave her money ($250,000) due to a relative passing away. And even then, she had to go to 4 different banks to get a loan approved for the remaining amount on her condo. It is dubious if she will ever be able to retire.

    • Lyle

      This may blow your mind, but sometimes, when you’re young and poor, you have to live in less than ideal housing instead of acquiring massive debt to live in a luxury condo. You need to lose the entitled mentality.

  • Kevin

    Unbelievably ridiculous! There are two major factors that you are not considering when choosing to allow your children to freeload off you. One, incentivizing your child’s mistakes is exactly what causes them to exhibit irresponsible behavior in the first place. Actions have consequences and they need to learn that there is no trophy for failure. Two, you’re screwing them over when and IF (and that’s a big “if”) they go to obtain a house, as every mortgage lender requires you to show at least 12 consecutive months of payment going towards living expenses. Don’t cover up for your child’s failure. They’re grown ass men and woman now. Not our fault they decided to major in lesbian dance theory instead of engineering or neuroscience, only to find out that not a single business exists that will pay them to theorize about lesbian dance. You really want to help your children? Start forcing them to exhibit the actions and behaviors that a grown adult should. Freeloading off mommy and daddy ain’t one of them!